OCTOBER 14, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Coke Chairman's Health Crisis. Impact: If Goizueta had survived, Coke might have been the first to launch a cola-flavored cough syrup, changing the beverage market forever. Instead, we were left with the classic 'just add sugar' strategy.. Fact: Coca-Cola was originally marketed as a medicinal tonic. So, in a way, Goizueta was just staying true to the company's roots!.
• Headline: Michael Jackson Joins Bafokeng Tribe. Impact: Michael Jackson's tribal acceptance led to pop stars seeking out indigenous groups for street cred, resulting in a bizarre trend of celebrity-led tribal councils. 'I'm a chief, but not in a way that requires pants!'. Fact: Bafokeng Ka Bakwena means 'People of the Crocodile.' So, yes, Michael Jackson was literally dancing with crocodiles long before it was cool..
• Headline: A Risk Taker Wants to Show She Can Work With Disney; Director of 'The Lion King' says, 'I'm doing what I do.'. Impact: Julie Traynor's success could have inspired a wave of directors to take on classics, leading to a bizarre trend of gender-swapped Shakespeare adaptations. 'To be Lady or Not to Be, that is the question!'. Fact: The Lion King was originally inspired by Hamlet. So, if this musical flops, at least there’s still a tragic ending to fall back on!.
• Headline: Kenneth F. Hahn, 77, Is Dead; Political Giant in Los Angeles. Impact: Kenneth F. Hahn's death resulted in a collective existential crisis among politicians in Los Angeles, who began to realize that if they didn’t step up, they might end up as footnotes in history instead of headliners.. Fact: Hahn was known as a political giant, which is a nice way of saying he was the last person anyone wanted to cross in a Los Angeles back alley..
• Headline: CHRONICLE. Impact: Barbara Haws losing the guest list may have led to the first-ever 'mystery guest' parties, where surprise arrivals became the norm and everyone was left guessing, 'Did I invite that guy or is he just here for the snacks?'. Fact: If only Haws had a time machine to go back and save that list, but alas, she probably couldn’t find a subway car that could take her back to that moment!.
• Headline: Lafarge Bids $2.8 Billion for Concern. Impact: Lafarge's failed bid could have sparked an underground movement of construction companies trying to marry other firms, leading to a romantic comedy about love and bricks that no one asked for.. Fact: In the world of mergers and acquisitions, 'no' means 'not right now,' which is basically corporate speak for 'let’s keep it casual.'.