SEPTEMBER 13, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Albright's Bold Stance on Middle East Peace. Impact: Albright's bluntness sparked a series of international dinner parties where diplomats started showing up with blunt instruments instead of diplomatic solutions. Who knew the secret to peace was a meat cleaver?. Fact: Did you know that Albright once said, 'There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other'? Guess she was reserving a spot for herself in the Mideast negotiations!.
• Headline: Keyshawn Johnson vs. Patriots Showdown. Impact: Keyshawn Johnson's performance ignited a chain reaction of overzealous football fandom, leading to the invention of the 'fan selfie' – a practice that would later clog social media feeds for decades.. Fact: Did you know that Keyshawn Johnson once claimed he could catch a football with his eyes closed? Turns out, he just really liked the element of surprise..
• Headline: Gore Faces Crisis Over Campaign Financing. Impact: Gore's campaign finance troubles led to an increase in political spin-doctors and the advent of the phrase 'No comment' becoming a political staple, paving the way for future candidates to dodge accountability like it's an Olympic sport.. Fact: Did you know that Al Gore invented the internet? Too bad he couldn't invent a way out of this mess!.
• Headline: Opening the Doors on Family Court's Secrets. Impact: By opening Family Court proceedings to the public, Judge Kaye inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of public court dramas, ultimately leading to reality TV judges who have never seen a courtroom outside of their own show.. Fact: Did you know that Family Courts used to be as secretive as the recipe for Coca-Cola? Now everyone can watch the drama unfold, just like a soap opera but with fewer sideburns..
• Headline: On China Intelligence Data, Senators See Yin and Yang. Impact: The senators' disagreement about Chinese influence on elections set the stage for future political debates where facts became negotiable, eventually leading to an era where everyone is equally right... and wrong.. Fact: Did you know that bipartisan arguments are just like a family feud? Everyone's yelling, but no one really knows what they're fighting about..
• Headline: Yankees Tearing Up Orioles' House. Impact: The Yankees' victory inspired a series of legendary sports rivalries, making it clear that some fans would rather see their team win than see their neighbor happy – thus paving the way for the phrase 'I hate your team more than I love mine.'. Fact: Did you know that Yankees fans celebrate wins by breaking out in song? Too bad their singing could scare off a home run..
• Headline: In Mexico, Gephardt Faults Trade Pact. Impact: Gephardt's criticism of the NAFTA sparked a wave of economic debates that eventually led to the rise of online conspiracy theorists who claimed that trade pacts were actually written by aliens.. Fact: Did you know that complaining about trade pacts has become a national pastime? Right up there with baseball, hot dogs, and ignoring the actual consequences..
• Headline: Vicious Reminder of 70's Atrocities in Argentina. Impact: Scilingo's revelation about Argentina's atrocities opened a Pandora's box of historical reckoning, leading to future generations contemplating the shadows of past sins, while also inspiring a slew of dramatic films and documentaries.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Never forget' became a rallying cry? Because apparently, forgetting is much easier than facing the truth..
• Headline: Craft's Orbit Around Mars Is Near-Perfect. Impact: The Mars Global Surveyor's perfect orbit changed the course of Martian exploration, leading to a future where humans would argue over who gets to claim 'first contact' with the Martians while still struggling to get along on Earth.. Fact: Did you know that Mars is often considered the most hospitable planet in our solar system? Which is kind of sad when you think about it..