JULY 8, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Memorial Service for James Stewart. Impact: If James Stewart hadn't been viewed as rich in 'what counts,' Hollywood might have shifted to prioritize talent over wealth, leading to a bizarre world where acting skills actually mattered. Imagine that! . Fact: James Stewart was so beloved that even his gravestone probably has more fans than some current movie stars..
• Headline: Repair Craft Successfully Docks with Mir Station. Impact: The successful docking of the repair craft at Mir set the stage for future space missions, potentially leading to an intergalactic repair service. Next stop: fixing your broken dreams in orbit!. Fact: Mir was like the original reality TV show in space—just with fewer dramatic confessions and more technical malfunctions..
• Headline: McVeigh's New Trial Appeal Developments. Impact: McVeigh's juror statement led to a slippery slope where legal loopholes became the hottest new trend in criminal justice. Who knew crime could pay in such a convoluted way?. Fact: The Oklahoma City bombing is a grim reminder that when it comes to extremism, the consequences are far-reaching, and unfortunately, they’re not just limited to the courtroom..
• Headline: The Whole Body Catalogue. Impact: The development of artificial body parts paved the way for a future where everyone could be part cyborg, leading to the inevitable rise of a new class of superhumans. Welcome to the age of the bionic hipster!. Fact: Fun fact: The first artificial body part was a wooden leg, which was also the first time someone could literally say, 'I’ve got a leg up on the competition.'.
• Headline: Coogan Takes It Nice and Easy. Impact: Coogan's disinterest in the marathon prize could inspire a new trend of athletes shunning monetary rewards, leading to a romanticized view of sportsmanship. Next, they’ll be running marathons barefoot for 'the love of the game.'. Fact: Mark Coogan’s marathon time is still faster than the time it takes most people to decide what to have for lunch..
• Headline: Barney's Draws Four Offers, But Saks Cools On Earlier Bid. Impact: The bidding war for Barney's Inc. sparked a frenzy of luxury retailers throwing money around like confetti, leading to an inflation of prices and the birth of the phrase 'luxury for the masses'—which is a real oxymoron.. Fact: Bankruptcy is just a fancy way of saying, 'Hey, we overspent and now we’re looking for someone to bail us out!'.
• Headline: Looking A Gift Fare In the Mouth. Impact: The Staten Island Ferry's free ride sparked a transportation revolution, leading to a future where all public transport is somehow both free and a source of endless complaints from the public. Welcome to the paradox of free services!. Fact: The Staten Island Ferry is one of the few things in life that is both free and still manages to be a source of endless grumbling. Go figure!.
• Headline: Conservative Advocate and His G.O.P. Ties Come Into Focus. Impact: Grover Norquist’s rising prominence in conservative circles may have led to a future where tax cuts became the hottest topic at every dinner party, ensuring that your uncle’s rants on fiscal policy are now a staple of family gatherings.. Fact: Norquist's famous pledge has become so iconic, it’s probably ranked right up there with the Constitution in terms of political memorabilia—at least in certain circles..