JUNE 29, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Community Takes Stand Against Harmful Billboards. Impact: The removal of those billboards sparked a nationwide movement against advertising harmful products, eventually leading to the establishment of 'No Harmful Ads' zones, which ironically increased the demand for ads for kale smoothies.. Fact: Did you know that billboards are now considered one of the leading causes of eye-rolls in the United States? Just kidding—it's still social media..
• Headline: Exploring The Great Race's Legacy. Impact: The revival of The Great Race on television spawned a global obsession with slapstick comedy car chases, leading to an increase in people attempting to reenact these scenes. Spoiler: very few succeed without injury.. Fact: In the film world, a 'wheeler-dealer' typically refers to someone who's great at making deals. In real life, it just means someone who might sell you a slightly used car with a 'quirky personality.'.
• Headline: China-Basher Bashes Bashing. Impact: Bernstein's comments incited a series of international debates that eventually led to the creation of secret underground 'Anti-China' clubs, where members gather to bash and bake cookies shaped like panda bears.. Fact: The only thing more contentious than U.S.-China relations is the debate over who has the best dumplings. Spoiler alert: it's the dumplings..
• Headline: A History Lesson for the S.E.C.. Impact: Fleischman's critique resulted in a massive overhaul of SEC policies, paving the way for a future where everyone could hedge their bets—literally and figuratively—on everything from stocks to the weather.. Fact: Hedging is just a fancy way of saying, 'I’m not sure if my investment will fail, so let’s put a little money on the side for a rainy day.'.
• Headline: Judge Bars Permits For Imports of Wood. Impact: This decision led to a nationwide shortage of imported wood, causing people to start building furniture from cardboard—enter the age of eco-friendly, albeit flimsy, furniture.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone says 'I love wood,' a tree gets a little more nervous? Just kidding—trees can’t hear you..
• Headline: Phone Swindlers Dangle Prizes to Cheat Elderly Out of Millions. Impact: The exposure of these scams led to the creation of a national 'Elderly Wisdom' program where seniors now teach youth how to avoid falling for obvious tricks, thus reversing the trend of elder scams.. Fact: It's estimated that the average scammer has a better grasp of social engineering than your average politician. Just saying..
• Headline: Exhibitions on Costumes and Photographs Emphasize Color. Impact: The exhibitions inspired a global trend in vibrant fashion, leading to the rise of color-themed parties and a shortage of beige fabric worldwide.. Fact: The only thing more colorful than these exhibitions is the array of excuses people give for not wearing matching socks..
• Headline: Circling Lake Erie by Bike. Impact: Marchetti's article inspired a generation of cyclists to embark on their own adventures, leading to the creation of a new sport—'Lake Erie Looping,' which is basically just cycling while arguing about the best fish fry.. Fact: In the world of cycling, 'circling' is just a fancy term for 'getting lost multiple times and hoping for the best.'.