MAY 29, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jazz vs. Rockets Western Conference Finals Showdown. Impact: If Barkley were to actually shoot during the game, the ensuing chaos might have led to a new sport where basketballs were replaced with firecrackers—thankfully, it was just a misunderstanding. Sports historians still debate if this was the true origin of the modern-day 'drama queen' athlete.. Fact: Did you know that 'shooting' in basketball doesn’t mean what you think it means? Or does it?.
• Headline: Reviving Serious Theater on Broadway. Impact: The revival of serious dramas on Broadway led to a cultural shift where people started to appreciate more than just flashy musicals. This inadvertently caused a surge in hipster book clubs discussing Kafka over craft beers. You're welcome.. Fact: Fun fact: In New York, 'serious drama' is often just code for 'we might make you cry for two hours.'.
• Headline: Senate Panel Plans to Hold July Hearings on Campaign Abuses. Impact: The Senate's hearing on campaign abuses sparked a nationwide trend where every citizen began poking their noses into their neighbor's political donations, leading to the creation of 'nosy neighbor' reality TV shows.. Fact: Did you know that Congress has held more hearings than most people have had hot dinners? And yet, somehow, nothing ever changes..
• Headline: J. G. Haddad, 59; Physician Created Test for Vitamin D. Impact: Dr. Haddad's vitamin D test became so popular that it sparked a global obsession with sunshine and supplements, leading to a bizarre fashion trend of people wearing sun lamps as accessories. Vitamin D: the new black.. Fact: Fun fact: Without sufficient vitamin D, you might just be a pale imitation of your former self!.
• Headline: President Urges Aid for East In Spirit of the Marshall Plan. Impact: Clinton’s call for aid in Eastern Europe inadvertently led to an influx of hipsters moving to the region, hoping to find the next big artisanal coffee shop in a post-communist landscape. The irony was delicious.. Fact: Did you know that the Marshall Plan was essentially a 1940s version of a 'GoFundMe' campaign for Europe? Because who doesn’t love a good fundraiser?.
• Headline: Table Is Set for a Stanley Cup Feast. Impact: The anticipation of the Stanley Cup finals set off a chain reaction of snack sales that led to record-breaking chip consumption rates. It was the year that 'superbowl' snacking became a year-round sport.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more predictable than the Stanley Cup Finals is the number of nachos consumed during the games? It’s a serious statistic..
• Headline: F.T.C. Charges Joe Camel Ad Illegally Takes Aim at Minors. Impact: The FTC's charges against Joe Camel sparked a widespread crackdown on cartoon mascots, leading to the rise of bland, corporate branding. Suddenly, mascots were just sad animals in suits that no one wanted to identify with. Thanks, FTC!. Fact: Fun fact: Joe Camel was the only cartoon character that could simultaneously encourage smoking and make kids want to start a band—what a legacy!.
• Headline: Congo Soldiers Break Up Sparse Protest Against New President. Impact: The crackdown on protests in Congo sent ripples through the international community, resulting in a series of memes mocking the situation that ironically raised more awareness than the protests themselves ever could.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes peaceful protests work better when they’re turned into viral memes? Because who needs actual change when you have internet clout?.
• Headline: Canada's Vote Focus: 'Jobs, Jobs, Jobs'. Impact: Canada's focus on 'jobs, jobs, jobs' led to the unexpected rise of a new national pastime: job hunting as a competitive sport. The Canadian Olympics now feature job interviews as an event—gold medal for the best resume!. Fact: Fun fact: In Canada, the promise of jobs is so strong that even moose have been seen applying for positions. Clearly, the unemployment rate is getting out of hand!.