MAY 21, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: F.B.I. Evidence Integrity Challenged at Bomb Trial. Impact: If the FBI had just kept its evidence handling as tidy as a Marie Kondo episode, maybe we wouldn't have conspiracy theorists believing every shadow is a government cover-up. Thanks, McVeigh!. Fact: The FBI's motto might as well be 'In evidence we trust... unless it's a Tuesday.'.
• Headline: Honorary Avaiator Tends Blue Angels Shrine. Impact: This bar became a pilgrimage site for aspiring pilots, leading to a spike in people naming their children after jet fuel and G-forces. Next up: a reality show about barflies with dreams of flight.. Fact: Trader Jon's bar is where great aviators go to reminisce and where regular patrons go to find the bathroom..
• Headline: Back in Goal, Hextall Turns Back the Rangers. Impact: Hextall's stellar performance led to a chain reaction of goalies everywhere thinking they could also become the next big thing, resulting in an unprecedented rise in egos and headgear sales.. Fact: The real tragedy of this game? The amount of beer consumed by fans afterwards was likely enough to fill a small lake..
• Headline: Woods Meets Zoeller For Lunch. Impact: This lunch not only mended fences but also birthed a new trend of celebrity apologies over sandwiches. Expect future scandals to be resolved over brunch with a side of mimosas.. Fact: After this meeting, Zoeller reportedly began practicing his golf swing in hopes of getting an invite to lunch with Tiger again—because who wouldn't want to eat with a multi-millionaire?.
• Headline: Los Angeles Coliseum's Problem: Its Image. Impact: The Coliseum's image crisis kickstarted a multi-million dollar renovation boom, resulting in a slew of stadiums that look like they were designed by a toddler with a crayon. Ah, the progress!. Fact: The Coliseum is basically the 'before' picture in a makeover show that just wouldn't end..
• Headline: Can Yanks Keep Clemens From No. 200?. Impact: Clemens' pursuit of that 200th win led to an influx of superstitions among fans. Some even started wearing lucky socks—because who needs talent when you have hygiene issues?. Fact: Clemens’ eventual win was celebrated with more fireworks than your average Fourth of July, proving once again that sports are just a fancy excuse for pyrotechnics..
• Headline: Boeing, Threatened, Sees Trade War. Impact: This trade dispute may have led to a rise in airplane-themed board games among families, where every move is a gamble on international relations. Who needs Monopoly when you can toy with global economies?. Fact: Boeing's idea of a 'good day' is when no one is threatening their massive monopoly, and their coffee is still warm..
• Headline: Ducks' Wilson Is Dismissed. Impact: Wilson's firing sparked a trend of coaches being replaced with alarming regularity, leading to a new sport: Coach Roulette. Bet your money on who will be gone by the end of the season!. Fact: The real reason Wilson was dismissed? The Ducks were tired of getting their feathers ruffled every time they lost..