MAY 13, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: FAA Mandates Ice Detectors for Turboprops. Impact: If the FAA hadn't required ice detectors, the next big aviation disaster could have involved a flock of geese trained to fly planes in icing conditions. Just imagine the headlines.. Fact: Did you know that the Embraer EMB-120, with its icing vulnerabilities, was almost called the EMB-120 Frostbite? No? Just me then..
• Headline: Flawed Reporting on Crack Cocaine Controversy. Impact: The flawed expose on crack cocaine may have inadvertently led to the rise of reality TV, as media outlets searched for sensational stories to fill the void left by responsible journalism.. Fact: Fun fact: The CIA was too busy with other operations to approve drugs. They were more into the 'exotic' stuff—like overthrowing governments..
• Headline: Tattoo Bill Clears Committee. Impact: The tattoo bill could have sparked a nationwide movement to require consent forms for everything—like fast food meals or bad reality TV decisions.. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey is also considering a bill requiring consent for wearing socks with sandals? Progress is slow, but it’s coming!.
• Headline: Poodle Still at Large. Impact: The escape of the poodle could have set off a nationwide trend of pets gaining independence, leading to the first canine-led protest against leashes.. Fact: Did you know that this poodle went on to star in a reality show called 'The Real Barkwives of Atlantic City'? No? Just checking..
• Headline: No Skin Off Oakley's Knees: Youth Served Another Playoff Loss. Impact: This playoff loss could have sparked a series of motivational speeches from the team that may have accidentally inspired an entire generation to pursue mediocrity as a lifestyle.. Fact: Did you know that Charles Oakley once tried to teach a class on how to lose gracefully? Enrollment was low, probably because of the title..
• Headline: A Man of Few Words Is Sent Up by a Man of Few Acts. Impact: The one-act plays could have influenced future playwrights to create entire series based on characters who only say 'uh' and 'um'—the new avant-garde.. Fact: Did you know that David Ives once wrote a play entirely in emojis? It was a real hit with the under-10 crowd..
• Headline: A Foolish Distraction The Mets Don't Need. Impact: This anti-Semitic remark from a pitcher might have opened the door for sports teams to adopt 'no-comment' policies, leading to a dramatic increase in mystery surrounding athletes' personal lives.. Fact: Did you know that this incident led to the first-ever team-building retreat focused on sensitivity and better jokes? Spoiler: It was a flop..
• Headline: Met Pitcher Is Taking a New Path From Japan. Impact: Kashiwada's journey from Japan could have inspired a new trend in baseball where each player had to wear a flag of their homeland, leading to the most colorful uniforms in sports history.. Fact: Did you know that Takashi Kashiwada was initially recruited by a sumo wrestling league before realizing baseball had fewer calories? True story!.