MARCH 1, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Barriers in Baseball: Cal Abrams' Story. Impact: If Cal Abrams hadn't faced anti-Semitism, he might have inspired a new genre of baseball poetry and created a rivalry with Jackie Robinson that would have made baseball's history look like a soap opera. Imagine the drama!. Fact: Did you know that Cal Abrams was a great player but probably spent more time dodging prejudice than baseballs? Talk about a double header!.
• Headline: Richard III by New Perspectives Theater. Impact: Richard III's tragic end might have inspired a series of historical dramas that changed the face of theater forever. Or more likely, it just made everyone more dramatic in their day-to-day lives.. Fact: Did you know that Richard III is the original 'bad boy' of Shakespeare? I mean, who doesn’t love a villain with a disability and a penchant for murder?.
• Headline: U.S. Certifies Mexico as Drug War Ally. Impact: By certifying Mexico as an ally, the U.S. inadvertently set the stage for a future of diplomatic coffee breaks and awkward small talk about narcos, which would somehow lead to a Netflix series that everyone binge-watches.. Fact: Did you know that this certification was more like a diplomatic participation trophy? Everyone got one, but nobody was really sure what it meant..
• Headline: Knicks Extend Journey With One More Overtime. Impact: The Knicks winning in overtime might have sparked a franchise-wide existential crisis, leading to a future where every game is just an elaborate metaphor for life itself. Spoiler: they still lose.. Fact: Did you know that the Knicks are the only team that can turn a win into a philosophical debate about the nature of time? Overtime? More like overtime of despair!.
• Headline: Dispute Over Ebonics Reflects a Volatile Mix That Roils Urban Education. Impact: The ebonics debate inadvertently led to a whole generation of linguists and educators being forced to analyze language until they all questioned their own existence. Thanks, Oakland!. Fact: Did you know that the word 'ebonics' is basically an academic way of saying 'we're not really sure how to talk about this'? Classic!.
• Headline: Suddenly, Religious Ethicists Face a Quandary on Cloning. Impact: Cloning debates might have opened a Pandora's box of ethical dilemmas, resulting in a world where everyone has their own clone for personal assistance, leading to a massive identity crisis. Spoiler alert: no one liked their clone.. Fact: Did you know that cloning is basically humanity’s way of saying 'you know, I wasn’t quite satisfied with the original version of myself'? Classic!.
• Headline: Japan's Road to Deep Deficit Is Paved With Public Works. Impact: The questioning of public works spending might have sparked a nationwide obsession with DIY home improvement, leading to everyone thinking they could do it better than the professionals. Spoiler: they couldn't.. Fact: Did you know that Japan’s budget deficit was just a fancy way of saying 'we spent too much on karaoke machines'? Who can blame them?.
• Headline: Janet Walker, 71, Director of Musical Revivals. Impact: Janet Walker’s death might have created a ripple effect in the theater world, inspiring a wave of memorial performances, leading to an annual 'Janet Walker Revival Month' where all the shows are poorly attended.. Fact: Did you know that Janet Walker was a pioneer in reviving musicals? Too bad she couldn’t revive the original cast's enthusiasm!.
• Headline: No 'Cleopatra' Matinee. Impact: Vanessa Redgrave's illness could have sparked a national conversation on the importance of health care for actors, leading to a new union, but let’s be honest, it mostly resulted in disappointed theatergoers.. Fact: Did you know that a canceled matinee is basically the theater's version of a snow day? Everyone's disappointed, but secretly a little relieved!.