JANUARY 30, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Surreal Love and Academic Success. Impact: Had this Israeli boy not fallen for his Russian classmate, who knows how many future mathletes would have flunked their exams? The math world could have been forever altered, leading to a shortage of engineers, and then no one would have invented the toaster. Tragic.. Fact: Psychic abilities are often thought to be a myth, but if they could help with math tests, I'm sure there'd be a reality show about it by now..
• Headline: The Merchandiser Returns: A Marketing Milestone. Impact: Re-releasing Star Wars with enhanced effects rekindled the flame of fandom, leading to more remakes, sequels, and a never-ending cycle of Hollywood nostalgia. We could have just watched the original, but nope, let’s add CGI to everything.. Fact: George Lucas once said, 'I love making money!' Guess he figured, why not do it while also ruining childhoods with unnecessary edits?.
• Headline: SUNBEAM CORP. (SOC,N). Impact: Sunbeam Corp's financial disaster may have led to the invention of a new financial term: 'The Sunbeam Effect,' where companies lose money so spectacularly that it creates a cautionary tale for future CEOs.. Fact: In the world of finance, losing $234.7 million is just a warm-up for some companies. They treat it like a practice round for their next big loss..
• Headline: U.S. Report on Human Rights Faults China, Nigeria and Cuba. Impact: This report on human rights could potentially lead to future sanctions, diplomatic tensions, and a whole lot of finger-pointing. And yet, the world keeps spinning—like a broken record of human rights violations.. Fact: The irony of human rights reports is that they often read like a poorly written novel—lots of drama but very little resolution..
• Headline: Rangers Send Rookie Down. Impact: Sending a rookie to the minors could have ripple effects that lead to a future Hall of Famer being overlooked. Thanks, Rangers, for possibly altering the course of baseball history.. Fact: Minor leagues: where dreams go to either die or get a second chance. It’s basically baseball’s version of a timeout..
• Headline: Auto Lender's Finance Chief Disappears; Profits Are Cut. Impact: The disappearance of a finance chief over accounting irregularities might have opened the door for future corporate scandals, shaping a culture where people think they can just vanish when the going gets tough. Spoiler: they usually get caught.. Fact: If only disappearing acts were as easy in real life as they are in corporate finance. I'd be on a beach in Hawaii right now!.
• Headline: Williams to Get an Offer; Yanks Get None for Fielder. Impact: The Yankees' failure to trade for a fielder might have led to their eventual downfall as a franchise, proving once again that you can never have too many players named 'Fielder.'. Fact: Baseball trades are often as exciting as watching paint dry, only with more statistics and fewer paint fumes..
• Headline: Insisting Giuliani Can Be Beaten, Dinkins Weighs Entering the Race. Impact: Dinkins' insistence that Giuliani can be beaten might have set off a series of political maneuvers, leading to the most entertaining game of political chess in New York City history. Spoiler alert: nobody wins.. Fact: Politics is like a game of musical chairs, but the music is terrible and there are always more candidates than chairs..