JANUARY 19, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Victorian Pastimes Exhibition Review. Impact: The revival of Victorian pastimes led to an obsession with the bizarre and extravagant, which eventually spiraled into the modern-day obsession with escape rooms and themed parties. So, thanks to those ruffled gowns, we now have to endure people dressed as pirates at every wedding. Fact: Victorians were so obsessed with etiquette that they literally had a rule for how to eat an orange. Spoiler: it involves more steps than a dance routine.
• Headline: Exciting Wine Selections in Westchester. Impact: The emergence of above-average wine lists in Westchester County sparked a regional rivalry that led to a dramatic increase in wine snobbery, eventually resulting in the creation of a secret society where members must identify wines by their year, vineyard, and grape type—all while wearing berets. Fact: In the quest for the perfect wine list, some restaurants now hire consultants with PhDs in oenology. Because who wouldn't want a degree in wine drinking?.
• Headline: A Culinary Review of Cafe Panache. Impact: The rise of creative simplicity in dining led to an entire movement where restaurants began to serve nothing but air, claiming it was the purest form of culinary expression. This movement eventually failed when patrons demanded to be filled up, not just spiritually. Fact: If you think that 'minimalist cuisine' is new, think again. The ancient Romans were known to serve dishes that were essentially just air and disappointment.
• Headline: An Independent Film Distributor Takes an Independent Route. Impact: Jeff Lipsky’s independent film endeavors inspired a generation of filmmakers who thought they could replicate his success using nothing but a smartphone and a half-baked script about existential cats. Spoiler: most of these films went straight to streaming platforms no one’s ever heard of. Fact: The term 'independent film' is often used to describe movies that make absolutely no money. So, if you ever see one, just know it’s probably an artistic masterpiece that your wallet is better off without.
• Headline: Seafood for Landlubbers and Seafarers. Impact: Catalina Seafood Company’s success led to a bizarre trend where sushi began being served with a side of landlubber-themed décor, causing a nationwide debate on whether it’s acceptable to eat fish while surrounded by nautical paraphernalia. Spoiler alert: it is not. Fact: Seafood sales once spiked so dramatically that fish were almost declared a national treasure. However, the idea of gold-plated salmon didn’t sit well with the average consumer.
• Headline: Taxes, Adjusted for Inflation. Impact: The adjustment of taxes for inflation prompted a nationwide panic about how many lattes people would have to forgo in order to keep up with rising costs, leading to a surge in DIY coffee-making at home—a trend that still haunts kitchen counters everywhere. Fact: Taxes have been around since ancient Egypt. So, if you think they’re a modern inconvenience, just remember that Cleopatra was probably complaining about them too.
• Headline: Don't Punish Microsoft For Its Brand of Competition. Impact: The antitrust investigation into Microsoft led to an unexpected boom in the popularity of Linux, as tech-savvy rebels decided that nothing screams 'freedom' like using an operating system that sounds like a medical condition. Fact: Microsoft once attempted to gift everyone free upgrades to combat negative press. Spoiler: it didn't work, and they ended up giving us Windows ME instead.
• Headline: Speaking Softly In the Bully Pulpit. Impact: Clinton’s introspection on past presidential speeches inspired future leaders to take a more theatrical approach to politics, leading to the surreal moment when a future president delivered a State of the Union address in the style of a Broadway musical. Yes, it was as bizarre as it sounds. Fact: Presidents have been known to take inspiration from various sources. Lincoln was particularly fond of Shakespeare, but I doubt he considered turning the Gettysburg Address into a rap battle.
• Headline: When 'Kill the Ump' Is No Longer a Joke. Impact: The rise of verbal abuse against umpires sparked a national movement where sports leagues had to implement mandatory anger management classes for fans, leading to the first-ever 'Calm Down, It's Just a Game' workshops. Attendance was surprisingly low. Fact: Verbal abuse in sports is so prevalent that some referees have begun wearing body cams—not for safety, but to document the sheer absurdity of what they witness. Spoiler: it’s often worse than reality TV.
• Headline: Exercise In Small Town Aviation. Impact: The decision to not expand Danielson Airport led to a grassroots movement advocating for more local air travel, which bizarrely culminated in a series of 'fly-in' festivals where people pretended to be airplanes while eating hot dogs. Yes, it was as absurd as it sounds. Fact: Airports were originally designed to be simple places for flight, but now they're more like complex mazes where the only thing you can successfully navigate is a fast-food restaurant.