DECEMBER 14, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Clinton Appoints Key Administration Leaders. Impact: By nominating a bunch of people to high positions, Clinton inadvertently set off a chain reaction where future presidents would feel the need to fill their cabinets with overly qualified individuals, thus making everyone else in the job market feel woefully inadequate.. Fact: Did you know that having a full cabinet is like having a full set of mismatched socks? It may look organized, but deep down, everyone knows there's chaos beneath the surface..
• Headline: Clinton Supports TV Rating System Trial. Impact: Clinton’s support for a trial rating system led to the eventual rise of reality television, where the ratings spiraled out of control, leaving us with the question: should we really be rating things that should never have seen the light of day?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing worse than a bad TV rating system is a bad reality show. Spoiler alert: They both exist!.
• Headline: Insights on Bridge Literature. Impact: This innocuous headline about bridge columns set off a wave of competitive bridge-playing that would eventually lead to the formation of underground bridge clubs, where the stakes were as high as the drama.. Fact: Did you know that bridge has been known to cause rifts in friendships? Apparently, there’s nothing like a little card game to reveal the true colors of your pals..
• Headline: Steinbrenner's Money Can't Buy Clemens's Love. Impact: Clemens turning down the Yankees' offer sent shockwaves through Major League Baseball, leading to a cycle of players seeking to make decisions based on love rather than money, which, spoiler alert, didn’t last long.. Fact: Did you know that in baseball, money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you a pretty sweet mansion? Just ask Roger Clemens!.
• Headline: Clinton, in Emotional Terms, Explains His Abortion Veto. Impact: Clinton's emotional veto on abortion sparked heated debates that would echo through the halls of Congress for decades, ultimately leading to a national dialogue that still rages today, proving yet again that politics truly is the gift that keeps on giving.. Fact: Abortion debates have a way of bringing out the passion in people—who knew shouting about reproductive rights could be such a crowd-pleaser?.
• Headline: Excerpts From Remarks by Candidate for the U.N.. Impact: Bill Richardson's nomination remarks for the UN set in motion a chain of diplomatic jargon that would culminate in a decade of meetings, where the only thing accomplished was a lot of coffee breaks and some very well-written notes.. Fact: Did you know that the UN can sometimes feel like a really expensive group project in college? Lots of talk, but somehow, no one ever seems to get an A..
• Headline: Gene Sperling: National Economic Council. Impact: Sperling's workaholic tendencies led to the creation of an 'overworked aide' archetype that would haunt Washington for years, resulting in a slew of coffee addiction stories and sleep deprivation memes.. Fact: Did you know that 'workaholic' is just a fancy term for someone who shows up to the office on weekends, but still can’t find their car keys?.
• Headline: Charlene Barshefsky -- Trade Representative. Impact: Barshefsky’s appointment signaled a shift towards more female representation in trade, encouraging future generations of women to believe that they too could negotiate trade deals while keeping a perfectly manicured nail.. Fact: Fun fact: Being a Trade Representative means you get to deal with international trade issues, which is basically adulting on a global scale—good luck with that!.
• Headline: Aid for Settlers On West Bank Inflames Arabs. Impact: This decision set off a series of events that would complicate the Israeli-Palestinian conflict for decades, proving that sometimes, trying to help can lead to unintended consequences that no one saw coming.. Fact: The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is like a really bad soap opera—years of drama, and we’re still waiting for a resolution that makes sense..
• Headline: Boss, God, Daddy, Everything. Impact: Emmett Foster’s monologue series reminded everyone that we can find humor in the absurdities of life, leading to a resurgence of one-man shows and the eventual rise of comedians who think life is just a big joke.. Fact: Did you know that one-man shows are basically therapy for performers? Because nothing says 'I’m dealing with my issues' like making an audience laugh about them!.