DECEMBER 13, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Coaches Announced for Three Colleges. Impact: The appointment of these coaches led to a series of questionable plays and decisions that would eventually inspire countless memes about sports incompetence, spreading joy and laughter among fans worldwide.. Fact: Did you know that coaching football is the only job where you can fail spectacularly and still get hired by someone else? It’s like a never-ending game of musical chairs..
• Headline: Report Faults Dole and Clinton on Flight Costs. Impact: The report on Dole and Clinton’s flight costs ignited public outrage, leading to a new era of transparency in politics where politicians now just hide their shady deals better. Progress, right?. Fact: Did you know that corporate jets are basically the 'party buses' of the political elite? Because who wouldn't want to show up to a debate in style?.
• Headline: Welfare's Cozy Coat Eases Norwegian Cold. Impact: Norway's welfare system inspired other countries to at least pretend to care about their citizens, leading to a global competition for who can offer the best social benefits. Spoiler: it's still Norway.. Fact: Did you know that Norway's oil money is like the fairy godmother of social benefits? One minute you’re a pumpkin, and the next you’re driving around in a golden carriage of free healthcare..
• Headline: Hospital Aide Found Guilty Of Extortion. Impact: Salerno's conviction sent shockwaves through the healthcare system, resulting in stricter regulations that made it harder for aspiring mobsters to enter legitimate professions. Because we all know criminals have a tough time finding good jobs.. Fact: Did you know that being a hospital administrator is almost as dangerous as being a mobster? One wrong move and you might end up in the headlines for all the wrong reasons..
• Headline: Esiason Returns To the Cardinals. Impact: Esiason's return to the Cardinals marked the beginning of a trend where players realized they could take a vacation from the field and still get paid. The vacation industry boomed as a result.. Fact: Did you know that in sports, taking time off is sometimes called 'self-care'? Apparently, running around and getting tackled isn't part of that equation..
• Headline: INSIDE. Impact: The summary of major news stories became the backbone for future clickbait articles, leading to the creation of endless lists about '10 Things You Didn’t Know About Major News Stories' that flooded the internet.. Fact: Did you know that ‘INSIDE’ could be the title of a new reality show? Watch as journalists try to explain the news while simultaneously ignoring their own breaking stories..