DECEMBER 5, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Albert Carretta's Impact on Advertising Regulations. Impact: Had Albert Carretta not removed the ban on 'Free' in ads, the phrase would have been lost to history, and we’d be living in a world where every product was sold with the tagline 'Definitely Not Expensive!'. Fact: The only thing more confusing than the word 'free' in advertising is the concept of 'limited time only'—which never really is..
• Headline: U.S. Evacuates Kurds from Northern Iraq. Impact: The evacuation of Kurds from Northern Iraq set off a chain reaction of political maneuvering that would later lead to endless debates about humanitarian aid, national security, and whether or not we should just stick to popcorn at the movies.. Fact: The U.S. has been known to help people leave places—evidence suggests they should start a travel agency instead..
• Headline: Unions Stand Firm Against United Way Proposals. Impact: When unions rejected the United Way, it sent shockwaves through the charity world, leading to a surge in bake sales and questionable crowdfunding campaigns. Who knew cookies could solve so many problems?. Fact: The United Way could have made a fortune if they just sold their name to a coffee brand. 'United Way Coffee: Because Your Problems Deserve a Caffeine Boost!'.
• Headline: Devils Aiming to Rise Above Peers. Impact: The New Jersey Devils’ victory over the Florida Panthers was the catalyst for many unqualified sports fans to suddenly become experts on hockey strategy, forever confusing the difference between a 'slap shot' and a 'slap fight'.. Fact: Hockey is the only sport where players can fight each other and still get paid. Imagine if that were true for other professions!.
• Headline: Carl F. Grillo, 41, Executive Director For Liberal Party. Impact: Carl F. Grillo's untimely death at 41 meant that the Liberal Party of New York found themselves scrambling for a charismatic figure, leading to a series of increasingly bizarre public appeals that made them seem more like a reality show than a political party.. Fact: In the world of politics, dying young is the ultimate way to ensure your legacy is forever debated—unless you’re in a reality show, then it’s just another episode..
• Headline: New Donaldson Fund Raises $3 Billion. Impact: The raising of $3 billion for the new Donaldson fund led to an explosion of 'expert' financial advice on social media, where suddenly every influencer became a stock market guru over a weekend, and the term 'pump and dump' took on an entirely new meaning.. Fact: If you had invested in all the funds that were launched with 'enthusiasm' in the 90s, you'd have enough money to buy a small country—or at least a decent-sized yacht..
• Headline: Man Is Charged With Fraud After a Claim for $5 Million. Impact: Anthony Robinson’s fraud case opened the floodgates for personal injury lawsuits, leading to a generation of people who now believe they can sue anyone for literally anything—resulting in a national obsession with 'dangerous sidewalks'.. Fact: In America, you can sue for spilling hot coffee on yourself. But good luck trying to sue for emotional damage caused by reading the news..
• Headline: A Tale of Stock Promotion, Regulation and the Internet. Impact: The rise of the internet in investing ignited a new era of amateur speculation, leading to the phrase 'buy low, sell high' being replaced by 'buy meme stocks, pray for the best' in investment circles.. Fact: The internet has made it so easy to invest that soon, even your pet goldfish might start giving stock tips—and honestly, it might have better instincts than some professionals..