OCTOBER 12, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bob Dole's Ohio Campaign Highlights. Impact: Bob Dole's campaign remarks were so groundbreaking that they inadvertently inspired an entire generation of politicians to believe that saying anything at all could somehow win them votes. What a time to be alive.. Fact: Did you know that Bob Dole once made a joke about how he could sell ice to Eskimos? Spoiler alert: It didn't go well..
• Headline: Allegory of Betrayal in WWII Yugoslavia. Impact: The allegory of a man hiding his friends in a cellar became a metaphor for future political debates about transparency, leading to the invention of the phrase 'What's in the cellar?' used by journalists for decades.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'cellar door' is often cited as one of the most beautiful in the English language. Too bad this story didn't include any actual doors..
• Headline: McGraw-Hill Sells Dubuque Printing Operation. Impact: McGraw-Hill selling its plant marked the beginning of the end for print media, leading to the rise of e-books and the existential crisis of every bookworm who had to choose between a Kindle or a paper cut.. Fact: Did you know that McGraw-Hill started as a humble publishing company? Now, they're just another cog in the corporate wheel. Ah, progress!.
• Headline: After 3 Days in the Spotlight, Nobel Prize Winner Is Dead. Impact: William Vickery's untimely death post-Nobel Prize sparked a trend where winners began scheduling their heart attacks more strategically to avoid overshadowing their achievements. Talk about a race against time.. Fact: William Vickery was known for his theories on economic efficiency. Ironically, he could've used some efficiency in his own heart health..
• Headline: New England Senate Races Crucial to the Next Congress. Impact: The New England Senate races became a bizarre circus of political drama, inspiring future candidates to take increasingly ridiculous stances just to get attention. You're welcome, reality television.. Fact: Did you know that every time a New England politician sneezes, a journalist is legally required to write a headline about it? It’s the law of political gravity..
• Headline: Childs Injured, Out 3-6 Weeks. Impact: Chris Childs' injury led to a domino effect in the NBA, where teams suddenly realized that players were, in fact, human and could get hurt. Who knew?. Fact: Did you know that the fibula is often called the 'little bone'? That's right; even bones have self-esteem issues..
• Headline: New Law Bans Genital Cutting In United States. Impact: The ban on genital cutting in the U.S. triggered a cultural clash that sent shockwaves through social media, leading to endless debates that continue to divide dinner parties to this very day.. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. Congress has debated over 12,000 bills that went nowhere? This one, at least, made it to the finish line!.
• Headline: FORMER OFFICIALS CLEARED BY COURT IN SOUTH AFRICA. Impact: The court's decision to clear apartheid-era officials of murder charges created a precedent that made future accountability in South Africa a real-life game of 'Who can get away with it?'. Fact: Fun fact: Magnus Malan once said, 'In politics, it's not about being right; it's about being in power.' Clearly, he understood the game..
• Headline: THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE. Impact: The constant repetition of slogans in the presidential race led to the invention of the fast-forward button, allowing voters to skip over the boring bits. Genius!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Can you hear me now?' was actually coined during a presidential debate? Okay, not really, but it should've been!.
• Headline: Dole Advisers Try to Find Right Degree of Toughness. Impact: Bob Dole's advisers trying to find the right degree of toughness led to the development of a new political science term: 'Toughness Calibration.' It's now a required course in many universities.. Fact: Did you know that political advisers often have the same life expectancy as a pet goldfish? Too much stress, not enough water!.