SEPTEMBER 1, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Navigating Teenage Life: Past and Present. Impact: If Robert Lipsyte hadn't drawn parallels between his teenage angst and modern woes, we might have all collectively burst into existential crises. Instead, we just scroll through our phones, wondering if we can survive another day.. Fact: Kafka actually wrote a lot about the absurdity of life. Who knew that would connect so well with teenagers today, who are just as confused, except now they’re also dealing with TikTok trends?.
• Headline: Promoting Nicolas Flagello's Musical Legacy. Impact: Walter Simmons' efforts to promote Nicolas Flagello led to a resurgence of interest in 20th-century composers, which eventually caused a hipster revolution where every coffee shop started to feature obscure classical music playlists. Thanks, Walter.. Fact: Nicolas Flagello was known for his genius. Meanwhile, most people can barely remember where they parked their car..
• Headline: Swimming Across America Adventure. Impact: Jan Benzel’s road trip and swimming escapades may have inspired countless future road trips, resulting in the rise of Instagram influencers who feel the need to document every lazy swim in a questionable hotel pool.. Fact: Swimming across America is less about the distance and more about finding the nearest pool bar for post-swim refreshments..
• Headline: The Secret Is in the Spices, and She's Not Telling. Impact: Keller's review of Ruth's Gourmet has likely led to a worldwide spice shortage as people frantically try to replicate her elusive recipes, causing chefs everywhere to become increasingly paranoid about their secret ingredients.. Fact: It’s said that the secret to good cooking is love. But let’s be real, it’s probably just a boatload of garlic..
• Headline: Wistful Visit To Mountains Of Memory. Impact: Prof Phil Brown's nostalgia for Catskill Mountain resorts sparked a minor revival in sentimental travel, leading to a boom in kitschy family vacations that made everyone question their life choices yet again.. Fact: The Catskills used to be a vacation hotspot, and now you’ll struggle to find a decent Wi-Fi signal there. Progress?.
• Headline: In Lacey Township, a Zoo for Animals That Nobody Else Wants. Impact: Popcorn Park Zoo’s mission to shelter unwanted animals has inspired a nation of animal lovers, leading to a surge in adoption rates and a corresponding increase in cat memes. The real winners? The cats.. Fact: In the animal kingdom, the only thing more heartbreaking than a shelter is the realization that humans have no idea how to take care of them properly..
• Headline: The Liberation of Dilbert. Impact: Geoffrey James' commentary on Dilbert’s popularity as a reflection of workplace oppression led to an increase in workplace humor, making it acceptable to complain about your job as long as it’s wrapped in a clever comic strip.. Fact: Dilbert has been making fun of corporate life since the early '90s. So basically, it’s been a long time since anyone has taken office life seriously..
• Headline: Raise Your Hand if You Saw 'Escape From the Rock'. Impact: This quiz likely ignited a wave of nostalgia for cheesy summer action movies, leading to an annual gathering where people binge-watch these films and argue about which one was actually the best. Spoiler: They’re all terrible.. Fact: Escape From the Rock is just a fancy way of saying, ‘Let’s put Nicolas Cage in another ridiculous situation and see how many explosions we can cram in.’.