AUGUST 17, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Understanding Alan Truscott's Bridge Column. Impact: If only Alan Truscott had stuck to knitting instead of bridge, we might have avoided the global pandemic of bad card games that followed. Now, every family reunion is a battlefield of poker faces and outrageous bluffing!. Fact: Bridge has been played in some form for over 400 years, and yet, somehow, my in-laws still can't figure out the rules..
• Headline: Mirage Resorts Acquires Boardwalk Property. Impact: Mirage Resorts buying that property was the spark that ignited a casino revolution. Who knew that one $8 million purchase would lead to so many people losing their life savings while sipping overpriced cocktails?. Fact: Atlantic City was once a quiet beach town before becoming synonymous with bad decisions and even worse hangovers..
• Headline: Three Players Share Lead at Northville Classic. Impact: Three golfers in the lead is just the universe's way of telling us that even in sports, sharing is caring. But honestly, they probably just all lost a bet and decided to form a union.. Fact: Golf is the only sport where you can simultaneously relax and be incredibly frustrated. It's basically the adult version of playing in a sandbox..
• Headline: G.O.P.'S NOMINEES TAKE TO THE ROAD, MESSAGES IN TOW. Impact: Bob Dole and Jack Kemp trying to change voters' views? That's like putting a band-aid on a sinking ship. Spoiler alert: it didn't work, and the GOP's idea of a fun time is still painfully outdated.. Fact: Political campaigns are like bad sitcoms: they often recycle the same old jokes and punchlines, and yet people still tune in hoping for a different ending..
• Headline: 2 Yeltsin Aides In a Showdown Over Chechnya. Impact: When Yeltsin's aides started bickering over Chechnya, it was like watching a soap opera unfold. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to a long, drawn-out conflict, proving once again that bureaucratic infighting is the real enemy.. Fact: In Russia, political drama is a spectator sport, and you don’t even need popcorn to enjoy it!.
• Headline: Guns Approved, Man Says. Impact: Rodger J Johnson’s assault weapons saga shows how one man's questionable choices can lead to a nationwide debate on gun control. It's like accidentally spilling coffee on your keyboard and breaking the internet.. Fact: The USPS has faced a lot of challenges, but who knew that a postal worker would be at the center of a gun rights debate? Talk about a package delivery!.
• Headline: New Haven Champions Take Their Yearly Dive. Impact: The unexpected loss of top-seeded players at the New Haven tournament sent shockwaves throughout the tennis world, proving once again that even the best can have a bad day. Who knew that a 169th-ranked player could have a secret stash of magic tennis balls?. Fact: Tennis: the only sport where you can be a total underdog and still look fabulous in a matching outfit..
• Headline: Autism No Handicap, Boy Defies Swamp. Impact: The story of the young boy surviving in a swamp is a testament to human resilience. Little did anyone know, his adventure would inspire countless 'survival' TV shows that would make camping look like a walk in the park.. Fact: Lost in the wilderness for four days? That's a reality check for all those 'survivalist' influencers who think they can just post a picture of a campfire and call it an adventure..