AUGUST 10, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dole and Kemp: A Strategic Partnership. Impact: Bob Dole's choice of Jack Kemp as VP was the political equivalent of throwing a party and inviting your ex. It led to a chain reaction of supply-side economic policies that would eventually contribute to the economic rollercoaster of the 2000s, where everyone was suddenly an expert in tax cuts and deficits.. Fact: Did you know that this pairing was so unexpected that even fortune tellers were baffled? They had to start offering refunds!.
• Headline: Dole Selects Kemp: A Surprising Alliance. Impact: This decision was like choosing a last-minute quarterback in a game when you're already losing. It set the stage for future political alliances that would be awkward enough to make Thanksgiving dinners uncomfortable for years to come.. Fact: Fun fact: Politics has a lot in common with football. Both involve a lot of running around and dodging questions!.
• Headline: Dole Picks Kemp for Vice Presidency. Impact: The Dole-Kemp alliance was like mixing oil and water, which, unsurprisingly, led to a series of political spills that required extensive damage control in subsequent elections. Who knew politics could be so messy?. Fact: Did you know that Kemp once endorsed a rival candidate? Guess Dole's love language is 'forgive and forget!'.
• Headline: Sierra Hammers Home a Point by Driving in 5 Runs. Impact: This baseball game marked a pivotal moment that inspired countless future players to swing for the fences. The chain reaction led to more over-the-top celebrations, which we now know as 'home run dances' or 'the new way to embarrass your parents.'. Fact: Fun fact: You could say Sierra was the original 'Hammer'—before he had to share the title with everyone from famous athletes to construction workers!.
• Headline: Mickelson Leads the Young Guns Into the Third Round. Impact: Phil Mickelson's lead in the PGA Championship sent shockwaves through the golf world, inspiring a generation of wannabe pros who believed that if they just wore the right polo, they too could be famous. Spoiler alert: They couldn’t.. Fact: Did you know that Phil's second straight round of 67 inspired a new diet craze? They called it the 'Golfers’ Diet'—eat whatever you want, as long as it’s while you’re on the course!.
• Headline: Ex-Perot Volunteers Say Reform Party Is Using Old Tactics to Change the System. Impact: The drama within the Reform Party was like a soap opera that never got canceled, leading to an ongoing saga of political theater that distracted everyone from the fact that nothing was really changing. Great for ratings, not so much for reform.. Fact: Fun fact: The Reform Party could have been a reality show—'Survivor: Political Edition'—except nobody would get voted off for their terrible ideas!.
• Headline: Maddox Is Starting, Brown Is Sitting and Everyone Is Wondering. Impact: This quarterback switch sparked conversations about coaching decisions that would ripple through every sports bar in America. Fans began to believe they could do a better job than the coaches, leading to a surge in armchair quarterbacking—now a national pastime.. Fact: Did you know that 'Maddox' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's confuse everyone with our unpredictable decisions?'.
• Headline: Reform Party's Split Widens With Its Convention at Hand. Impact: The Reform Party's internal strife was like a reality TV reunion show, where everyone airs their dirty laundry. This led to a series of splinter groups that kept the party's name alive long after its relevance faded—kind of like that one song you hate but can’t escape.. Fact: Fun fact: Watching the Reform Party’s drama unfold was far more entertaining than most actual political debates at the time—who knew politics could be a spectator sport?.
• Headline: Growth Area Seen for Religious Right. Impact: The recognition of the religious right’s growth potential was like planting a seed that turned into a giant beanstalk. It led to political narratives that would reach dizzying heights, while also causing more than a few giants to emerge from the shadows.. Fact: Did you know that the religious right’s demographic portrait could easily double as a description of your average church potluck? Less educated, but with a great appetite for casserole!.
• Headline: A Discovery Energizes AIDS Researchers. Impact: This breakthrough in AIDS research was akin to finding a needle in a haystack, leading to a flurry of innovation and hope that would ultimately change the landscape of medical research. It was a much-needed reminder that science can be a beacon in dark times.. Fact: Fun fact: The excitement generated by this discovery was so palpable that even the lab mice were in on the celebrations—tiny lab coats and all!.