MARCH 17, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lundy's Restaurant Revives Local Flavor. Impact: The revival of Lundy's led to a spike in lobster consumption, which, unbeknownst to anyone, triggered an unexpected lobster population boom that made lobsters the dominant species in the ocean by 2045. They developed sophisticated underwater societies, but sadly, their culinary skills were never appreciated.. Fact: Lundy's was so famous that if it were a person, it would be the celebrity at a party who gets more selfies taken than the actual host..
• Headline: NEIGHBORHOOD REPORT: MANHATTAN BEACH/SHEEPSHEAD BAY;Beach Path Ends in Legal Bills. Impact: The legal bills from the Manhattan Beach path incident led to a new law requiring all beach paths to be constructed with the strongest materials known to humankind, which in turn sparked an underground market for beach path sabotage.. Fact: The Esplanade’s path had seen more drama than a soap opera, but sadly, none of it involved actual soap..
• Headline: SOAPBOX;Calling Any Cop Named Patrick. Impact: The St. Patrick's Day Parade became so popular that it inspired a national movement to create a 'National Bagpipe Appreciation Month'. The result? A lot of confused non-bagpipe-playing citizens.. Fact: You know it's serious when even the priests are wearing shamrocks. Who knew holiness had a dress code?.
• Headline: EUROPE '96: FESTIVALS;Music in Grand Irish Houses. Impact: The accidental discovery of the Irish music festival led to a global fad of eavesdropping on strangers which surprisingly resulted in a significant decline in actual conversation skills.. Fact: Eavesdropping is the new fine art. Forget paintings and sculptures; now it’s all about overheard conversations in great houses!.
• Headline: NEIGHBORHOOD REPORT: MANHATTAN BEACH/SHEEPSHEAD BAY;Fear Changes Cabbies' Habits. Impact: The tragic events involving cabdrivers led to the creation of the 'Cab Driver Safety Coalition', which eventually resulted in the world's first armored taxis. Unfortunately, they were also the world's first taxis to run out of gas in the middle of a turf war.. Fact: When cabbies started changing their habits, it was less about fear and more about finally realizing there's life beyond the backseat..
• Headline: Silence Spoken Here. Impact: The idea that silence is the best language led to a global movement towards mime as a legitimate form of communication, which baffled linguists and ultimately caused a renaissance in street performance.. Fact: Mastering a foreign language is hard, but mastering silence? That's the kind of skill that earns you unexpected street cred..