JANUARY 7, 1996

Full News Archive

• Headline: Business Climate Debate in New Jersey. Impact: If only New Jersey had embraced this catchy phrase sooner, perhaps we wouldn't have had to endure decades of traffic jams due to bad business decisions. You can thank that billboard for making every road trip a lesson in existential dread.. Fact: Billboards are the original social media, but with less trolling and more bad coffee..
• Headline: Voices: A Communication Taste Test. Impact: This 'taste test' could have led to a revolution in communication design, but instead, it just resulted in awkward dinner conversations and a bunch of people wondering if they should have just stuck to texting.. Fact: Research shows that talking about your feelings post-dinner makes you 40% more likely to regret the dessert choice..
• Headline: Debate Over Free Speech on Campus. Impact: This incident sparked a national debate on freedom of speech and how to effectively stifle it, leading to a future where memes are more influential than manifestos. Thanks, Cornell freshmen!. Fact: The internet has a unique ability to amplify the dumbest ideas; it's basically a megaphone for bad takes..
• Headline: VOICES: VIEWPOINT;Look, Uncle Sam, No Form 1040's. Impact: This complaint about tax forms led to the creation of countless YouTube channels dedicated to tax hacks and IRS confessionals, giving rise to both financial literacy and the phrase, 'I’ll just do it next year!'. Fact: The IRS has been the inspiration for more procrastination than Netflix and chill combined..
• Headline: Architect of Gains In Child Care. Impact: Sally Ziegler's legacy may have planted the seeds for a future where child care is a hot political topic, spawning countless debates and a few reality TV shows. Because who doesn't want drama with their daycare?. Fact: Child care advocates are basically the superheroes of our time, minus the capes and with more paperwork..
• Headline: Zacatecas, built by the Silver. Impact: The lack of love for Zacatecas ultimately led to a future where hipsters discovered it, thus spawning overpriced artisanal silver jewelry and a thriving tourism market. Thanks, hipsters!. Fact: Zacatecas is known for its silver, but I’m still waiting for their 'Silver City' themed reality show..
• Headline: NEIGHBORHOOD REPORT: DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN;Will Yogurt Replace Coffee at L.I.R.R. Station?. Impact: The yogurt craze at L.I.R.R. stations could have singlehandedly transformed the commuter experience, leading to a future where coffee is a relic of the past and everyone's running on probiotics instead.. Fact: Yogurt has been known to make people feel healthier, which is great until they realize their life choices are still questionable..
• Headline: TEACHING TEACHERS;Getting Minority Students Turned On to Teaching. Impact: Jessica Benitez Elliott's journey to teaching inspired a generation of educators who still feel like they could have made it big in the arts—if only they had practiced their craft instead of grading papers.. Fact: Teaching is just like being a psychologist, except you have to deal with 30 kids who think they're the next Picasso..
• Headline: NEIGHBORHOOD REPORT: MIDWOOD;In Little Pakistan, a 'Mayor' and Then Maybe .... Impact: The discussions around the deli counter could have inadvertently led to the formation of a grassroots political movement, but instead, it likely resulted in a lot of complaints about the local sandwich options.. Fact: Deli politics is a real thing; just ask anyone who's tried to negotiate the price of a bagel in New York..
• Headline: BACKTALK;Soft Spots Hidden Behind a Granite Jaw. Impact: Don Shula kicking someone out of his office may have sparked a wave of motivational speeches about the importance of tough love, leading to the rise of countless life coaches who just shout at people for a living.. Fact: In sports, it’s not just about winning; sometimes, it’s about how dramatically you can throw someone out of a room..