OCTOBER 15, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discovering Kansas City, Mo.. Impact: The pleasant surprise of Kansas City led to an influx of hipsters looking for hidden gems, inadvertently transforming the city's culinary scene and resulting in a mysterious shortage of avocados. Coincidence? I think not.. Fact: Did you know that Kansas City's most thrilling attractions are actually just a slightly larger-than-average BBQ joint and one guy playing the banjo? The prairie is alive with entertainment!.
• Headline: For Homes With Shallow Wells, a Dry Summer Takes Its Toll. Impact: The water scarcity in the McVeety household sparked a national 'Water Conservation' movement, leading to the invention of the 'No Shower Challenge,' which, ironically, was more popular than any of us expected.. Fact: Did you know that the average family uses 300 gallons of water per day? That’s enough to fill a small kiddie pool, but they’ll probably just complain about the drought instead..
• Headline: HOME CLINIC; Getting a Handle on Blowing Autumn's Piles of Fallen Leaves. Impact: The struggle of leaf cleanup led to an international conspiracy of yard equipment manufacturers who secretly collaborated to create ever more complicated leaf blowers, ensuring that yard work would never be simple again.. Fact: Did you know that raking leaves burns about 250 calories per hour? It's like a workout, except instead of getting fit, you just get more frustrated. Yay, fitness!.
• Headline: Lessons From 40 Years Ago When a River Rampaged. Impact: The memory of the river rampaging led to a newfound respect for nature, causing future generations to build houses with a level of paranoia that borders on the absurd, including moats and drawbridges.. Fact: In 40 years, rivers have been known to change course, and so have fashion trends. Both can be unpredictable and occasionally leave you soaked if you're not prepared..
• Headline: BACKTALK; Colleges Can Take Action Against Agents. Impact: The discovery of shady dealings with student-athletes led to a nationwide crackdown on college sports corruption, creating a black market for pizza delivery during study hours. Because, let’s be honest, that’s where the real scandal lies.. Fact: Did you know that NCAA rules are so complicated that even the brightest minds struggle to understand them? It’s like trying to decipher a pizza menu written in Klingon..
• Headline: HOME CLINIC;Getting a Handle on Blowing Autumn's Piles of Fallen Leaves. Impact: The struggle of leaf cleanup led to an international conspiracy of yard equipment manufacturers who secretly collaborated to create ever more complicated leaf blowers, ensuring that yard work would never be simple again.. Fact: Did you know that raking leaves burns about 250 calories per hour? It's like a workout, except instead of getting fit, you just get more frustrated. Yay, fitness!.
• Headline: Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Lawn. Impact: The neighborly feud over lawns sparked a revolution in landscaping, leading to the rise of turf wars—and not the fun kind with breakdancing and music, but the kind that leaves you questioning your life choices.. Fact: Did you know that lawn envy is a real thing? It's like keeping up with the Joneses, but way easier because you can just judge them from your window while sipping your coffee..