AUGUST 7, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the Historic Farmington Canal. Impact: The Great Farmington Canal led to an overzealous obsession with waterways, eventually resulting in a world where people tried to navigate their office chairs through the office water cooler, claiming they were 'just following the canal' out of habit. Who knew a canal could inspire such laziness?. Fact: Canals were once the internet highways of their time, but now they just serve as a reminder that we can ruin anything, including transportation..
• Headline: Fusion Feast: Italian and Thai Delight. Impact: This culinary clash sparked an international feud that resulted in pasta-shaped fortunes and noodle-inspired national holidays. Little did they know, the world would eventually unite over fusion food trucks parked outside overpriced yoga studios.. Fact: Pasta and pad Thai are two of the most popular comfort foods, which makes sense because who wouldn’t want a hug from carbs?.
• Headline: Exploring Crater Lake's Volcanic Landscape. Impact: Sailing in a volcano's heart became the latest trend in extreme vacations, leading to a surge in travel insurance claims where people actually thought they could swim in molten lava. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Crater Lake is so deep that some say it could hold the entire population of a small country. Just imagine the karaoke parties!.
• Headline: EARNING IT; For Employees Sent Abroad, Though, Life Is Getting Harder. Impact: Keely McGeehan's struggles in Mexico City inspired a new genre of motivational quotes about the perils of international corporate life, leading to countless cringe-worthy posters in offices worldwide.. Fact: Every time someone complains about their job, a marketing manager in Mexico City rolls their eyes and reaches for the tequila..
• Headline: VOICES: VIEWPOINT; Make Room for Kids In These TV Deals. Impact: The push for kids' inclusion in TV deals led to a world where even the most serious news reports now feature animated characters to keep children entertained. 'Breaking News: A talking banana has more followers than you!'. Fact: Children are now the primary target demographic for all television programming, making grown-ups feel like they’re stuck in a never-ending episode of 'Dora the Explorer.'.
• Headline: VOICES: VIEWPOINT; For Prince Eisner, New Battles to Fight. Impact: Michael Eisner's journey through the Disney empire inspired a generation of CEOs to believe they too could revive their companies by simply wishing upon a star, resulting in countless failed wishful thinking initiatives.. Fact: Jiminy Cricket was originally going to be a motivational speaker, but he found it hard to get gigs without a proper degree..
• Headline: LONG ISLAND GUIDE. Impact: The Bayard Cutting Arboretum became the go-to spot for aspiring dancers and Instagram influencers, leading to an explosion of selfies in front of trees that have seen better days. Nature never asked for this level of attention.. Fact: If you combine castanets and Flamenco with Instagram, you get a recipe for either a viral dance sensation or a very confused audience..
• Headline: ART; A Painter Whose Works Are Steeped in Italy's Renaissance. Impact: Edward Giobbi's culinary art led to the bizarre trend of chef-painters creating edible masterpieces, resulting in food critics who now write art reviews. 'This lasagna was stunning, but lacked depth.'. Fact: The connection between painting and food is so strong that many chefs have started calling themselves 'culinary artists'—because apparently cooking a meal requires a degree in Fine Arts now..
• Headline: SOAPBOX; The Customer Is Right Again. Impact: The phrase 'The customer is right' became a significant part of corporate jargon, leading to a world where customers now think they can demand unicorns with their lattes. The ensuing chaos leads to the downfall of several coffee chains.. Fact: The only thing worse than a customer who thinks they're right is the barista who has to pretend to care about their opinion..