JULY 24, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: US Advances to Fed Cup Finals. Impact: Had the U.S. lost this match, it could have sparked a nationwide existential crisis, leading to a dramatic rise in couch-sitting and snack consumption as citizens collectively questioned their life choices. Who knew a tennis match could have such a profound impact on American snack culture?. Fact: Interestingly, tennis was once considered a sport for the elite, but now it’s just another excuse for rich people to yell at balls and each other while wearing overpriced outfits..
• Headline: Thunder Gulch Shines in Unusual Silks. Impact: If Thunder Gulch had lost due to a fashion faux pas, it might have ignited a global movement to promote the importance of proper racing attire. Just imagine a world where horses were judged not just on speed but also on their fashion sense. Horse fashion shows would have become a thing!. Fact: Despite the silks being a big deal, horses don’t actually care what they wear. They’re just out there thinking about grass and who’s going to feed them next..