JUNE 30, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discovery of Human-Ancestor Connection. Impact: Had this squirrel-size ancestor never existed, humans might have evolved from a line of sentient sloths instead, leading to a world where productivity is measured in naps rather than achievements.. Fact: Did you know humans share about 98% of their DNA with chimpanzees? So next time you're at a family reunion, remember, you might be more closely related to your distant cousin than you thought!.
• Headline: 'Apollo 13' Premiere on Independence Day. Impact: The success of 'Apollo 13' inspired countless future filmmakers to create movies about space, which ultimately led to the creation of 'Space Jam'—a true tragedy in cinematic history.. Fact: Fun fact: The real Apollo 13 mission was almost a disaster, but luckily, no one had to rely on a big-budget Hollywood rescue plan!.
• Headline: Co-op Mortgage Refinancing Success Story. Impact: If this co-op hadn't deflated its balloon mortgage, the real estate bubble might have popped even sooner, resulting in a dramatic increase in the number of people trying to sell their avocado toast for rent money.. Fact: Did you know that balloon mortgages are named for their tendency to inflate and then pop, much like the dreams of first-time homebuyers?.
• Headline: Sylvester Stallone, Judge. Uh-Oh.. Impact: Sylvester Stallone becoming a judge could have resulted in a world where every courtroom drama was an action movie, complete with slow-motion verdicts and dramatic monologues. 'You’re guilty... but I respect your fight!'. Fact: Fun fact: Stallone once played a boxer, a cop, and now a judge. At this rate, he’s just a few roles away from being a full-time superhero!.
• Headline: For Power Rangers, Bikinis Are Not The Issue. Impact: The Power Rangers' decision to focus on meaningful issues instead of bikinis might have inadvertently led to a generation of teens who prioritize their superhero identity over their beach body. Progress?. Fact: Did you know that the original Power Rangers were actually wearing spandex? Because nothing screams 'defender of the universe' like skin-tight clothing!.