JUNE 5, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dining at Diamond Back Saloon. Impact: If only diners knew that this saloon's casual vibe would inspire a future generation to open overpriced taco trucks in every hipster neighborhood, maybe they'd appreciate the original charm a bit more.. Fact: Saloon food has come a long way—just remember, every gourmet burger you eat today was once just a sad little patty in a saloon somewhere..
• Headline: Paine Monument Approval Anticipated Soon. Impact: The approval of the Paine Monument sparked a heated debate about the importance of historical figures, leading to an explosion of monuments that ultimately resulted in a nationwide shortage of stone and a rise in 'who-makes-monuments' memes.. Fact: Thomas Paine was such a revolutionary that his ideas still scare politicians today—just ask any congressperson who’s read his work..
• Headline: New Jersey's Classical Music Video Revolution. Impact: This collaboration between video distributors marked the beginning of a slippery slope, leading to the eventual rise of reality TV, where the classics are now overshadowed by people staring blankly into cameras.. Fact: MTV for the Classics? How quaint. Now we just wait for the day we can stream Shakespearean dramas alongside cat videos..
• Headline: HOME CLINIC;In the World of Faucets, Washers Have to Be in Good Condition. Impact: The dripping faucet epidemic led to a nationwide DIY craze, resulting in millions of households filled with half-finished projects and arguments over who forgot to buy the right washer.. Fact: A dripping faucet can waste over 3,000 gallons a year, which is basically enough to fill a kiddie pool for all your regrets about ignoring home maintenance..
• Headline: Expansion of Great Neck Library And Management Upset Residents. Impact: The uproar over the library expansion would inadvertently fuel a community-wide movement to preserve the dwindling number of public spaces, leading to a bizarre future where people camp out in libraries to read in peace.. Fact: Upset residents are the best kind of residents—nothing says 'community involvement' quite like a good old-fashioned library protest over a few extra shelves..
• Headline: HOME CLINIC;In the World of Faucets, Washers Have to Be in Good Condition. Impact: This hospital merger caused a domino effect, leading to a series of healthcare partnerships that turned hospitals into corporate entities more concerned with profits than patients, eventually resulting in the term 'healthcare-as-a-service.'. Fact: Community Hospital's new affiliation means you're one step closer to being treated by someone who went to med school in a video game..
• Headline: Dobbs Ferry Hospital Joins With Montefiore. Impact: Noel DeGaetano's humble claims opened the floodgates to a whole new genre of art shows where the artists are more about networking than talent—leading to the invention of the 'artsy friend' who just knows everyone.. Fact: Collage art is just another word for 'I have a lot of scraps and not much inspiration.'.
• Headline: ART;Six Artists Whose Styles Are Expressed Mostly in Collages. Impact: The revitalization of the old pier led to the gentrification of the area, where hip cafes replaced the memories of drowned sailors, highlighting that sometimes progress is just a hipster with a latte.. Fact: The phrase 'Plastic Dock of the Bay' is a reminder that even nostalgic spots can be renovated into something utterly unrecognizable and overpriced..