APRIL 12, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Age Healer's Mixed Reality. Impact: The new-age healer's lack of heroism at home prompted a nationwide trend of people realizing that spiritual enlightenment doesn't pay the bills. This led to an influx of individuals adopting 'practical wizardry' careers, ultimately resulting in a world where crystal sales are more lucrative than actual therapy.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'new-age healer' is just a fancy way of saying 'I can't afford a real doctor'?.
• Headline: Tragedy of Youth and Violence. Impact: This tragic event sparked a wave of overprotective parenting, leading to a generation of teenagers who were so supervised that they forgot how to socialize. This culminated in the invention of virtual reality hangouts, where they could finally find freedom... from actual human interaction.. Fact: They say youth is wasted on the young, but sometimes it seems they just waste it on bad decisions. Like, you know, murder..
• Headline: New Luxury Hotel Near World Trade Center. Impact: The construction of a 16-story luxury hotel near the World Trade Center set off a domino effect of gentrification. What started as a posh getaway for the affluent turned Boston into a city where even the pigeons had trust funds, forever changing the skyline with luxury condos where affordable housing once stood.. Fact: Did you know that Boston's real estate market is so competitive, even the rats are negotiating five-year leases?.