MARCH 12, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Glen Cove's Battle Against Incinerator Reopening. Impact: If only they had just let the incinerator burn a little longer, Glen Cove might have become a hot tourist destination for those seeking the world's most exciting waste management tours. Instead, they dodged a smelly bullet.. Fact: Incinerators: the original 'fiscal time bomb' before cryptocurrencies made their debut!.
• Headline: Potential Crisis in Banking Sector. Impact: The banks' worries about lending may have inadvertently inspired a generation of aspiring poets who wrote haikus about their financial woes, leading to a brief but intense 'Banking Crisis Poetry Slam' movement.. Fact: Banks and poetry: two things that usually don’t mix, much like oil and water or politicians and honesty..
• Headline: HOME CLINIC; Glues in All Forms, Synthetic and Natural. Impact: The evolution of glues from natural to synthetic may have inadvertently paved the way for the modern obsession with DIY home décor, causing an epidemic of overly ambitious Pinterest projects gone wrong.. Fact: Did you know that glue can hold your life together, but it won't fix that IKEA furniture you bought?.
• Headline: CLASSICAL MUSIC; Making a Career on the Viola (No Joke). Impact: The viola's struggle for recognition may have led to a secret society of violists who vowed to one day rise up and create a 'Viola Day' where everyone gets to play the instrument just to annoy the rest of us.. Fact: The viola: the middle child of orchestral instruments, forever fighting for attention and never quite getting it..
• Headline: SOAPBOX; The Wearing Down of the Green. Impact: The wear and tear of the environment may have sparked a chain reaction of family gatherings where everyone suddenly became a tree-hugging, composting enthusiast, leading to awkward Thanksgiving dinners.. Fact: Your great-grandmother's journey: not just a tale of immigration, but also one of the world's first eco-warriors—before it was cool!.
• Headline: Powell's Startling Rise Through G.O.P. Ranks. Impact: Howard C. DeMartini's rise in the GOP may have set off a series of ambitious political ambitions, leading to future candidates trying to outdo each other with increasingly bizarre campaign promises, like free puppies for every voter.. Fact: GOP meetings: where dreams of political grandeur come to die... or be hilariously misinterpreted..
• Headline: Technology; Forging Links Between Inner Cities and the Internet. Impact: Gingrich's backpedaling on laptop tax credits might have inadvertently created a black market for second-hand laptops, leading to a tech-savvy underground economy that would make even hackers envious.. Fact: Tax credits for laptops? Sounds like a good idea until you realize it was just a way to make middle schoolers feel even more entitled..
• Headline: Sound Bytes; A Technology to Teach the Children Well. Impact: Graham Nash teaching children about technology could have led to a future generation that believes all information comes with a catchy tune, thus creating the most annoying form of edutainment ever.. Fact: Teaching with technology: because nothing says 'learn' like a pop song about algebra..
• Headline: THEATER; A Satirist Infiltrates Limbaugh Country. Impact: The protests in 'Othello' may have inspired a new genre of theater where political satire and social justice collide, resulting in performances that are either incredibly enlightening or painfully awkward.. Fact: Theater: where you can express your deepest thoughts while wearing a costume that makes you question your life choices..