MARCH 6, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crossing Seurrat With Seinfeld. Impact: If Seinfeld had never crossed paths with Seurat, we might have been stuck with a sitcom about an art critic instead, causing a rift in the space-time continuum that prevents modern memes from ever being born. Thanks a lot, Seurat!. Fact: Did you know that the original title for Seinfeld was 'The Show About Nothing'? They later changed it to 'The Show About Everything Except Art' to avoid confusion..
• Headline: Expert Lightning Rod Installation Insights. Impact: Every time someone installs a lightning rod incorrectly, a new superhero is born. This has led to a proliferation of poorly designed comic book characters who can only save you from lightning if it strikes on a Tuesday.. Fact: People in the Middle Ages thought lightning was a sign of divine anger. Little did they know, it was just nature’s way of saying, 'Maybe invest in some better roof options.'.
• Headline: Ideas & Trends: The Louganis Disclosure; AIDS in the Age of Hype. Impact: Louganis's disclosure about AIDS introduced a wave of awareness that inadvertently led to a resurgence of '80s fashion, proving once again that tragedy and bad taste can co-exist in perfect harmony.. Fact: Did you know that Greg Louganis won a gold medal in diving? He could dive into a pool better than most people dive into a conversation about their problems..
• Headline: Cheerleading Is Refurbishing Its Image. Impact: The cheerleading rebirth surprisingly led to the creation of a new sport: competitive pom-pom tossing, which is now an Olympic event. Who knew spirit could be so athletic?. Fact: Before cheerleading became competitive, it was just a way for kids to avoid doing actual sports while still wearing cute outfits. Talk about a win-win!.
• Headline: Your Own Account; Taking Care of Labor at Whirlpool. Impact: Whirlpool's approach to labor could inspire a new trend where companies actually care about their employees. If this catches on, we might just see the rise of the 'happy employee' phenomenon, which could ruin the corporate world as we know it.. Fact: Whirlpool was founded back in 1911. So, clearly, they’ve had over a century to figure out how to spin their way out of bad labor practices!.
• Headline: HOME CLINIC; Lightning Rods Require Expert Hand to Install. Impact: Lightning rod installation missteps could lead to a series of catastrophic events known as 'The Great Lightning Mishaps,' where every bad sitcom plot about electrical failures originates. Who needs reality TV when we have this?. Fact: Lightning can strike the same place twice. Just ask any unlucky tree that’s been in the wrong place at the wrong time..
• Headline: HOME CLINIC; Lightning Rods Require Expert Hand to Install. Impact: Each poorly installed lightning rod creates a parallel universe where squirrels rule the world, leading to an unprecedented era of rodent diplomacy and acorn-based economies.. Fact: People used to believe that lightning rods attracted lightning. But really, they were just trying to win the 'Most Popular Object on the Roof' contest..