FEBRUARY 26, 1995

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating 20 Years of MATRIX Exhibitions. Impact: If this exhibition hadn't happened, we might have never realized that throwing paint on a canvas while blindfolded could be considered art. Who knows, we might still be in the dark ages of creativity!. Fact: Did you know that 20 years is just long enough for a generation of art critics to completely forget what actual talent looks like?.
• Headline: Exploring the Art of Wall Plastering. Impact: The ancient Egyptians' wall plastering techniques might have led to the invention of modern-day home improvement shows, leaving us with a legacy of questionable DIY projects and over-enthusiastic hosts.. Fact: Did you know that plastering walls was once considered more important than social media influencers? Yeah, me neither..
• Headline: Taste of Italy in Port Chester. Impact: Tony May's restaurant could be the reason why Port Chester's economy is booming—proving that a well-made pizza can actually save a town. Who needs government funding when you have pepperoni?. Fact: Did you know that 'Sawpit' is actually a traditional Italian salad? Just kidding, but it sounds like something you'd find in a horror movie..
• Headline: The Sap's Rising, So the Syrup and Sugar Can't Be Far Behind. Impact: If it weren't for maple syrup, breakfast would have been much less sticky and sweet—perhaps leading to a rise in dull mornings and the invention of sad pancakes.. Fact: Did you know that sap rising is not just a sign of spring, but also a reminder that we should all be 'rising' to our full potential? Or just rising to go get pancakes..
• Headline: Contest Urges Girls To Grab a Dream. Impact: This contest could lead to a future where girls are so busy dreaming big that they forget to do their homework, thus causing a nationwide dip in GPAs and a spike in parents' stress levels.. Fact: Did you know that 'Tell the World My Dream' is actually the title of a failed 90s boy band album? Talk about a dream deferred!.
• Headline: On Consignment, Tithing for Children. Impact: Debi Molfese's consignment shop could be the reason for the rise of thrift culture, sending millions of people down the rabbit hole of vintage fashion instead of saving for their futures.. Fact: Did you know that the real treasure in thrift shops is the ability to find something completely useless and still feel proud of it? It’s like a metaphor for life..
• Headline: The Venerated Art Of Plastering Walls. Impact: Plastering could have led to our modern obsession with home decor, making us spend way too much time at Home Depot instead of having actual conversations with our families.. Fact: Did you know that plastering is still the preferred method for covering up bad decisions? Just like that time you dyed your hair blue..
• Headline: YOUR TAXES; If the Tax Man Says, I'll Be Seeing You. Impact: Willie Nelson's tax troubles could have inspired a whole new genre of country music: sad songs about taxes, leading to a spike in tax evasion among aspiring country stars.. Fact: Did you know that after this incident, no one dared to sing 'Taxman' at karaoke night? It was just too risky..
• Headline: YOUR TAXES; Defer the Tax Bite With a '94 I.R.A.. Impact: The push for retirement accounts could lead to a future where everyone is so busy saving for retirement that they forget to live life, resulting in a nation of cranky old folks.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more boring than tax advice is listening to someone talk about their retirement plans? Spoiler alert: no one cares..