NOVEMBER 13, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: SOAPBOX: Closed-School Week. Impact: As schools closed down, an unexpected surge of self-taught geniuses emerged, leading to the invention of the internet and countless memes about how school was just a glorified prison. Thanks, closed schools!. Fact: Did you know that the Bronx has a rich history of attracting people who love both baseball and, apparently, bad smells? Talk about a niche market!.
• Headline: Pianist Robert Taub's Unique Residency. Impact: This pianist's appointment led to an underground movement that transformed musicians into essential figures in academia, eventually resulting in the first-ever 'Musicology Major' at a tech college. Goodbye, boring lectures!. Fact: Fun fact: T.S. Eliot once contemplated composing a sonnet about a cat but decided against it. The world owes him one for that!.
• Headline: Exclusive Golf Club with High Fees. Impact: Trump's golf club venture not only made golfing elitist but also sparked a global trend of overpriced leisure activities, resulting in the birth of the 'luxury hamster wheel.'. Fact: Did you know that $100,000 for a golf club membership is basically the cost of a small island? Just saying!.
• Headline: What to Look for When Raising (and Buying) the Turkey. Impact: This turkey-raising article led to a nationwide obsession with turkey breeds, creating a new market for turkey beauty pageants. Who knew Thanksgiving could get so competitive?. Fact: Fun fact: The first Thanksgiving turkey was actually a wild turkey named 'Tom.' He was quite the celebrity until he got eaten..
• Headline: G.O.P. Strength Denies Cuomo A Close Finish; Lilco Takeover Probably Dead. Impact: Cuomo's loss sparked a series of unfortunate political decisions in New York that led to the legendary phrase, 'At least we’re not Florida!' becoming a statewide slogan.. Fact: Isn’t it great how elections can lead to so much drama? It’s like 'Real Housewives' but with more paperwork and less wine..
• Headline: ART; In Newark, the Graphic Works of a Puerto Rican Artist. Impact: The exhibition of Puerto Rican art spurred a cultural renaissance, leading to the establishment of 'Potato Chip Museums' across the U.S. because, obviously, that’s where art was headed.. Fact: Did you know that Lorenzo Homar's work was so inspiring that even potato chips felt the urge to wear tiny berets?.
• Headline: DINING OUT; Interesting Combinations in Thai Cuisine. Impact: The crispy duck salad’s rise to fame led to the creation of a 'Crispy Duck Salad Day,' which ironically only resulted in everyone getting very serious about their dinner choices.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more layered than a crispy duck salad is the drama that happens when you try to share it on Instagram!.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY GUIDE. Impact: The jazz festival's success inadvertently launched a series of jazz-themed reality shows, which solidified the stereotype that all musicians are just one bad audition away from fame.. Fact: Jazz festivals are basically the musical equivalent of a hipster convention. Bring your fedoras and ironic mustaches!.
• Headline: When a Crisis Is Personal, Everyone Reaches Out. Impact: Austin Kamykowski’s story inspired a whole generation to take sports more seriously, leading to the 'Soccer Ball Throwing Olympics' – because why not?. Fact: Did you know that Austin's name means 'great' and he could easily have been a professional comedian instead of a soccer player? Talk about a missed opportunity!.
• Headline: CLASSICAL MUSIC; The Long Odyssey of a Lone Crusader. Impact: The St. Louis Symphony's ambitious performance sparked a worldwide trend of orchestras trying to outdo each other, leading to the Great 'Orchestral Olympics' of the late 2000s.. Fact: Fun fact: The longest symphonic work can actually cause time dilation. Just ask anyone who's ever sat through a symphony concert!.