NOVEMBER 4, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: Love, Madness, and Murder in Cinema. Impact: Had the psychiatrist not fallen for the knife-wielding psycho, Hollywood might have missed out on an entire genre of 'romantic thrillers' that glorify toxic relationships. Imagine the heartbreak movies without a dash of murder!. Fact: Psychiatrists always say to avoid relationships with clients, especially those wielding knives. Who knew they were so literal?.
• Headline: Family Values in Post-Vietnam Mississippi. Impact: The aftermath of Vietnam reshaped family dynamics, leading to generations of children who would grow up questioning their parents' sanity and their own emotional stability. Thanks, Dad!. Fact: The term 'family values' was originally coined to describe the value of surviving family dinners after someone shares their war stories..
• Headline: Post-Riot Struggles in Los Angeles. Impact: This unfortunate series of events led to a ripple effect of financial mishaps that would inspire countless future reality shows about people who make terrible life choices. Thank you, I.R.S.!. Fact: Los Angeles had a thriving market for 'out-of-work losers' long before it became a reality TV staple. Talk about a trendsetter!.
• Headline: HORSE RACING; Wear Advertising, Wear a Fine, Jockeys Told. Impact: The jockeys' rebellion against advertising restrictions may have paved the way for the completely unrelated but equally absurd trend of NASCAR drivers being walking billboards. Who knew horse racing could inspire motor sports?. Fact: Jockeys are basically athletes in spandex, so why not throw in some logos? It's not like their outfits were already lacking pizzazz!.
• Headline: Live Action Inspired By Video. Impact: This epic showdown between brothers over an amulet in a dystopian future may have inspired countless sibling rivalries in video games, leading to the rise of couch co-op wars and family feuds over who gets to play next.. Fact: In a flooded future, the best way to settle disputes is still with a good old-fashioned video game, preferably one that involves rescuing kittens..
• Headline: About Real Estate; Illegal Subletting Under Attack in Mitchell-Lama Units in Brooklyn. Impact: The crackdown on illegal subletting in Brooklyn could very well be the beginning of a long, tedious saga of housing regulations that continues to plague urban dwellers, leading to countless headaches and the rise of 'sublet detectives.'. Fact: Mitchell-Lama apartments are like unicorns; they're magical, hard to find, and often come with a catch that involves paperwork and legal drama..
• Headline: Market Place; Austria's market could do well, the Bundesbank and Fed willing.. Impact: Austria’s market predictions could be the butterfly effect that leads to wild economic fluctuations and the birth of the phrase 'Austrian Economics,' which ironically led to more confusion than clarity.. Fact: The only thing more unpredictable than the stock market is trying to predict how Austrians will react to their own market predictions!.
• Headline: Mamet's Lesson in Sexual Harassment. Impact: Mamet's take on sexual harassment in a campus setting may have inadvertently influenced the way future students approach consent and boundaries, creating a generation of overly cautious daters.. Fact: The only thing more awkward than a campus sexual harassment suit is the conversation that follows it. Spoiler: It's usually not about consent..