JULY 18, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: Theatre Performances at Bayard Cutting Arboretum. Impact: The Arena Players' rendition of Othello inspired a generation of wannabe Shakespeareans who thought they could just slap on some costumes and call it art. It led to the Great Shakespeare Karaoke Night of 2027, which caused a decade-long trend of Shakespeare-themed bars worldwide.. Fact: Did you know that Shakespeare was also known to have a flair for the dramatic? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: A Home Needed for a Giant Iguana Sculpture. Impact: Pedro P. Hurtado's iguana rock transformation sparked a bizarre trend where people began adopting granite pets, leading to the Granite Pet Olympics in 2025, which was tragically canceled due to a lack of participants.. Fact: Iguanas are actually highly skilled at blending in with their surroundings. Not that this helps them find a new home..
• Headline: IN THE NATURAL STATE. Impact: The inquiries about baby birds led to an explosion of amateur ornithologists, ultimately resulting in the 'Great Birdwatching Scandal of 2028' when people were caught pretending to see rare species that were, in fact, just pigeons.. Fact: Most birdwatchers are just bird enthusiasts with binoculars and a lot of time to kill. Not that that's a bad thing!.
• Headline: On Lookout For Baseball's Future Stars. Impact: Al Lynch's search for baseball's future stars created an underground league of parents who began training their toddlers to hit home runs, leading to the controversial 'Baby Baseball' league that required mandatory nap breaks.. Fact: Fun fact: Straw hats were once considered the pinnacle of fashion for baseball fans. Just don't ask the players..
• Headline: Viewpoints; For Job-Bias Suits, Ballooning Costs. Impact: The focus on job-bias suits led to a wave of HR departments being established, ultimately culminating in a 'Discrimination Awareness Month' that was celebrated with cupcakes and awkward conversations.. Fact: Did you know that ignoring workplace issues is an excellent way to boost morale? Just kidding—it actually lowers it significantly!.
• Headline: OUT OF ORDER; This Is a Job for Exterminator II and . . .. Impact: The pest control observance inspired an annual 'Bug-Off' festival where people dressed as their least favorite insects, leading to a national debate on whether cockroaches could ever be considered cute.. Fact: July and August are known as the months when bugs realize they can invade your personal space without consequence. Such fun!.
• Headline: ART; Influence of Abstract Expressionism as Progenitor. Impact: The Abstract Expressionism show inspired an influx of confused visitors who left art galleries believing they, too, could just splash paint and call it 'deep'. This led to the rise of 'Artistic License' as a valid excuse for poor artistry.. Fact: Abstract art: Because sometimes, a canvas just needs a good splattering of paint and a dash of confusion to be considered 'profound'..
• Headline: Looking Back on the Art Of the Puppetmaster. Impact: The puppet masterworks exhibit led to a puppet renaissance, where puppets became the unexpected leaders in political satire, resulting in an uprising of 'Puppet Presidents' in 2035.. Fact: Puppets often have more charisma than real politicians. Just saying!.