JULY 6, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tom Hanks: A Historical Interloper. Impact: If Tom Hanks hadn't been cast, we might have ended up with a documentary narrated by someone like Kevin Spacey, leading us to a timeline where 'Jaws' is a romantic comedy starring Nicolas Cage. Thanks, Hanks, for keeping the universe on track!. Fact: Did you know that Tom Hanks once sent a typewriter to a fan? Because nothing says 'I appreciate you' like a heavy, old-school piece of machinery that reminds you of your impending doom when the tech world goes fully digital..
• Headline: Arafat's Historic Return to Jericho. Impact: Arafat's arrival in Jericho was like the universe's way of reminding everyone that sometimes you have to take two steps back to take one giant leap forward. This event somehow led to a timeline where every significant Middle Eastern peace deal includes a ceremonial dance-off. Spoiler: Arafat wins.. Fact: Did you know that Arafat's return to the West Bank was like a celebrity coming back to their hometown? Everyone was excited, and while some were celebrating, others were just hoping he wouldn’t bring any awkward family drama with him..
• Headline: Deals Offset Debate on China in Germany. Impact: The deals with China marked the beginning of an era where Germany became the go-to place for manufacturing things that nobody really needs but everyone feels they must have. Fast forward to today, and we have gadgets that remind us to breathe. Thanks, Li Peng!. Fact: Did you know that during this time, the debate on China in Germany was like your parents arguing over what to watch on TV? Nobody really got anywhere, but somehow, both ended up just watching reruns of 'Friends' instead..