JUNE 26, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Dollar's Drop Explained. Impact: This headline's casual dismissal of the dollar's drop sparked a global trend of ignoring financial crises, culminating in the invention of 'financial yoga', where people meditate on their debt instead of addressing it.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone uses the phrase 'No Great Crisis', a stock market fairy loses its wings? Just kidding, but it might as well be true with how often it's said..
• Headline: Guardians of Wildlife Seek Space and Money. Impact: As wildlife organizations sought space and funding, a butterfly flapped its wings, resulting in a global awareness of wildlife conservation—though the animals are still wondering where their funding went.. Fact: Fun fact: Barry Ro's last name rhymes with 'no', which is what wildlife says when they hear about funding cuts..
• Headline: Your Own Account; Who's Advising Financial Advisers?. Impact: The confusion over financial advice led to a new industry of influencers who pose as advisors but mainly just sell overpriced seminars on how to 'become your own financial guru'.. Fact: Did you know that financial advisers are basically like weather forecasters? They can be wrong a lot but still get paid for it!.
• Headline: SOAPBOX; Rethinking 'the Good Old Days'. Impact: Barbara Pleener's enthusiastic rethinking of the 'Good Old Days' inspired a generation of high school principals to don bright pink suits, eventually leading to a nationwide trend of brightly colored educational fashion disasters.. Fact: Did you know that 'cawfee-talk' is actually a recognized dialect? It's just not one anyone outside of Queens understands..
• Headline: Tenants at Last in a New Haven Square. Impact: The revitalization of New Haven Square became a blueprint for urban renewal, inadvertently leading to countless hipster coffee shops, because nothing says 'urban oasis' like overpriced lattes.. Fact: Did you know that urban decay is just a trendy way to say 'we forgot to clean this place up'?.