JUNE 12, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: Runyon Guys' Serengeti Adventure. Impact: If Nathan Lane had never roamed the Serengeti, the entire genre of comedy might have crumbled under the weight of unfunny jokes, potentially leading to a world where laughter is considered an illegal act. Think about it: a dystopian future where humor is outlawed. Yikes.. Fact: Nathan Lane once saved an entire production by ad-libbing a punchline about a cat. Yes, a cat. Imagine the alternate timeline where that cat was a dog. Chaos would have ensued..
• Headline: The Power of Art in Adversity. Impact: Raymond Dego's decision to paint instead of wallow in despair during the Great Depression sparked a mini-revolution among artists, leading to a secret society of painters who vowed to turn every sad moment into a canvas. Thus, the modern art movement was born out of sheer boredom and existential dread.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'good things come to those who wait' was originally coined by a tortoise trying to convince a hare to chill out? True story..
• Headline: WEEKEND GETAWAYS; HAVING YOUR FILL OF NEW YORK'S ART. Impact: The CBC's T-shirt campaign about art and time caused a ripple in the universe, leading to the creation of art festivals that now take place every weekend. So, congratulations, you can now ignore your responsibilities while pretending to appreciate 'modern art.'. Fact: The phrase 'so much art, so little time' was actually a slogan used by procrastinators everywhere before it became fashionable. You’re welcome for that wisdom..
• Headline: ART; Gods of War Rule With an Eerie Silence. Impact: Zeljko Lapuh's eerie silence during his first exhibition in the U.S. had a profound effect. It inspired a generation of artists to embrace the power of silence, leading to a new trend: interpretive silence performance art. Prepare for awkward gallery openings.. Fact: Silence has been proven to be more powerful than words, especially when you’re trying to avoid talking to someone at a party. Just stand there and nod..
• Headline: As Lerer Leaves School Post, Salary Questions Remain. Impact: Dr. Richard Lerer's retirement sparked a nationwide trend of educators asking themselves if they were, in fact, burned out. This led to a mass exodus from teaching, resulting in a shortage of educators and a rise in online cat videos as a substitute for learning.. Fact: Teachers have been known to work 18-hour days, but don't worry—there's always summer break! Oh wait, that was a myth..
• Headline: Viewpoints; Electricity Shopping Can Be a Bad Deal. Impact: The California Public Utilities Commission's competition initiative sparked a national debate, resulting in electricity being treated like a competitive sport. People began to place bets on which energy provider would fail first, causing a surge in excitement... and confusion.. Fact: Electricity shopping is the only shopping spree that can leave you in the dark—literally. Always read the fine print before you get zapped!.
• Headline: How Stories Come to Life At School. Impact: The life pulsating inside the Annie Fisher School inspired a wave of educational reforms, leading to a future where every school is required to have at least one 'throbbing with life' class. This resulted in chaos as schools started offering classes in 'Throbbing 101.'. Fact: Schools have long been known to transform into vibrant hubs of learning, but only if you can survive the cafeteria food. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: DINING OUT; Hudson River and Sweeping Lawns in Peekskill. Impact: The romantic decay of Monteverde inspired a new architectural trend called 'chic decay,' where people pay extra for homes that look like they haven't been cleaned since the Renaissance. Welcome to the future of real estate!. Fact: If walls could talk, they would probably beg for a good scrub. Thank goodness for romantic decay; at least it sounds better than 'we forgot to clean.'.
• Headline: Colombian Quake Destroys Indians' World. Impact: The Colombian quake and its aftermath shook not just the ground but the very foundations of humanitarian efforts worldwide, leading to the establishment of better emergency response protocols. It's a tragic irony that sometimes it takes disaster to unite us.. Fact: Natural disasters have a way of bringing out the best in humanity, which is ironic considering they often start with the worst. It's like a cosmic joke that no one finds funny..