SEPTEMBER 12, 1993

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discover the Barstro Dining Experience. Impact: The introduction of the 'barstro' led to a worldwide revolution in dining concepts, where every hipster with a handlebar mustache now believes they can open a fusion eatery, resulting in countless culinary disasters and Instagram accounts dedicated to bad food photography. Fact: Did you know that the term 'barstro' was almost called 'bistrobar' but they realized it sounded like a bad knockoff of a French pastry?.
• Headline: Beeper Usage Transforms Family Communication. Impact: The pager's rise in family communication caused a chain reaction that led to the invention of the smartphone, which ultimately resulted in parents sending their kids to the wrong locations for playdates. Thanks, beepers!. Fact: Fun fact: The original beeper was designed to alert you to important calls, not to remind your kid to come home for dinner. Oops!.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND GUIDE. Impact: The Long Island Fiddle and Folk Music Festival sparked a folk music revival that somehow convinced a generation of millennials that they could play the banjo despite never having seen one in real life. Fact: Did you know that fiddles have been known to cause spontaneous square dancing? Just ask any unsuspecting bystander at a folk festival!.
• Headline: Free Services for High Holy Days. Impact: Rabbi Hoffman's views on free services set off a series of debates about monetizing religion, eventually leading to mega-churches charging for front-row seats at divine services. Bless their hearts. Fact: Fun fact: If you pay for your seat in a church, does it still count as a sin? Asking for a friend.
• Headline: ART REVIEW; Questions From Early Avant-Gardists. Impact: Avant-garde photography and collage became the foundation for social media influencers, who now make a living by taking pictures of their avocado toast and calling it art. Fact: Did you know that the first avant-garde photographers were not actually trying to sell anything? They just wanted to annoy traditionalists. Mission accomplished!.
• Headline: Where Baseball Is Woven Into the Social Fabric. Impact: The fusion of baseball and cultural festivities resulted in the eventual creation of numerous food trucks that serve questionable combinations of nachos topped with sushi, because why not?. Fact: Did you know that baseball and salsa dancing are both excellent ways to work off a hot dog? Try doing both at the same time for an extra workout!.
• Headline: A Designer and a Pioneer. Impact: Jean Henning's cataloging of gardens inspired a worldwide obsession with home gardening, leading to an explosion of home improvement shows and the subsequent decline of social interaction as people became too busy tending to their tomatoes. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more confusing than gardening is explaining to your friends why you have 50 different types of tomatoes and no actual friends.
• Headline: Gulotta Joins the Primary With Ads Against Democrats. Impact: Gulotta's ads against Democrats created a new era of political campaigning, where candidates now spend more time slinging mud than talking about their own platforms, resulting in the birth of the 'Attack Ad Olympics.'. Fact: Did you know that political ads are now considered a sport? The more entertaining the attack, the higher the score! Gold medal goes to the best mudslinger!.
• Headline: Your Own Account; Temporary Work: The New Career. Impact: The rise of temporary work led to a world where job security is considered a myth, and everyone now has a side hustle that they can't stop talking about at parties. Thanks for the awkward small talk!. Fact: Did you know that temporary workers are now getting benefits from their side hustles? Spoiler alert: It's usually just a discount on their own product!.