AUGUST 13, 1993

Full News Archive

• Headline: T2 Medical Stock Crisis Deepens. Impact: The plunge of T2 Medical stock led to a series of unfortunate events, including a sudden surge in conspiracy theories about how the executives were actually aliens trying to take over the medical industry. Spoiler alert: they weren't.. Fact: Did you know that T2 Medical's accounting errors were so bad that even their calculators filed for unemployment?.
• Headline: Yuppie Ghosts: Sentimental Limbo Explored. Impact: This film about a haunted yuppie ignited a revolution in the genre, leading to a wave of films where every character had emotional baggage from their overpriced lattes. The spirits? Just overpriced therapy bills.. Fact: Fun fact: The original title was 'Yuppies: The Spirits of Guilt,' but they decided to market it as a horror film to appeal to the 'I have problems' demographic..
• Headline: Italian Vignettes: Love and Loss Explored. Impact: The tale of love and loss, stolen by a stray dog, inspired a new genre of films where canines are the true protagonists. Next up: 'The Dog Who Wrote Love Letters'—a classic in the making!. Fact: You know you’ve made it in film when your plot revolves around a dog. Spoiler: The dog gets the girl. Every time..
• Headline: Review/Film; Blossom Time for a Lonely Girl. Impact: This review of a children's classic about loneliness may have inadvertently led to a nationwide spike in children asking for more stories about being lonely—because nothing says fun like a good dose of despair!. Fact: Did you know that this book was actually a favorite among introverted cats, who found solace in its pages?.
• Headline: COMPANY NEWS; Bulldozer-Heavy, Caterpillar Will Shut Plant for 2 Weeks. Impact: Caterpillar's decision to shut down a plant for two weeks unexpectedly led to a national debate on whether bulldozers should be considered essential in the age of online shopping and delivery services. Spoiler: They shouldn't.. Fact: Did you know that the last time Caterpillar shut down a plant, the world was still using flip phones? Progress, folks..
• Headline: Seoul Prohibits Use of False Names on Financial Accounts. Impact: Seoul's ban on false names in financial transactions resulted in a sudden spike in creative naming among citizens—because apparently, if you can’t be a 'John Smith,' you might as well be 'Captain Moneybags.'. Fact: Fun fact: Many people had to change their names to avoid confusion, leading to a brief uptick in superhero identities across South Korea..