JULY 7, 1993

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Last Unspoiled Bonus Baby. Impact: If that little boy hadn't pitched for the Cubs, we might have never experienced the butterfly effect that led to a chain reaction of future MLB stars, ultimately resulting in a 2020s reality show featuring overzealous parents and their pint-sized athletes.. Fact: Did you know that the Chicago Cubs' fans are known for their long-standing patience? They might need to add a few more years to that after this little boy's fateful pitch!.
• Headline: German Chemical Sector Shows Resilience. Impact: The rise of German share prices amidst recession set off a series of 'how-to' seminars for financial optimism, leading to a future where motivational speakers charge exorbitant fees for telling you to 'think positive' while your stocks plummet.. Fact: Fun fact: 'streamlining' in the corporate world usually means firing half the staff while doubling the workload. Welcome to capitalism!.
• Headline: COMPANY NEWS;. Impact: ABN-Amro's acquisition of Cragin Financial set off a corporate domino effect that eventually led to the rise of mega-banks, where your loan officer is just a hologram of a grumpy robot who only communicates via emoji.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of banking, 'definitive agreement' is just a fancy way of saying, 'We really hope this works out for us'?.
• Headline: About Real Estate; Hotel Given A Face Lift In St. Louis. Impact: The hotel makeover sparked a trend of urban renewal projects that eventually led to a bizarre competition over who could renovate the ugliest buildings first, culminating in a reality show that no one asked for.. Fact: Fun fact: The 1960s building boom was just an elaborate scheme to distract people from the fact that everyone was wearing bell-bottoms and listening to songs about peace..