MAY 16, 1993

Full News Archive

• Headline: Explore Park Hill's Arts and Crafts Homes. Impact: If Norman and Debbey had never moved to Park Hill, who knows? The entire Arts and Crafts movement might have been reduced to a mere footnote in history, with only IKEA's flat-pack furniture left to tell the tale.. Fact: Did you know that the Arts and Crafts movement was partially a reaction against industrialization? So, in a way, Norman and Debbey are the heroes we didn't know we needed—fighting against the scourge of mass-produced mediocrity one antique at a time..
• Headline: Baseball's History of Controversial Changes. Impact: Jim Kaat's prophetic words echo through the ages, reminding us that in baseball, much like in life, fairness is just a concept invented by people who don't know how to play the game.. Fact: Did you know that Jim Kaat went on to become a successful commentator? Apparently, delivering bad news about the game is much easier than pitching it..
• Headline: New Shorelines and New Rules to Restrict Hamptons Beachgoers. Impact: The new beach rules in the Hamptons could inadvertently lead to a new trend of 'beach hiking,' where the wealthy take to the hills in search of elusive shorelines, thus creating an entirely new social class of 'beachless beachgoers.'. Fact: Did you know that the Hamptons were once just a bunch of quaint fishing villages? Now, they’re the ultimate playground for people who think they can pay to keep the ocean at bay..
• Headline: Road Plan at Hatchery Upsets Naturalists. Impact: The uproar over the road plan is likely to lead to a renaissance in naturalist activism. Picture a future where naturalists are the new influencers, turning road rage into a campaign for wildlife preservation.. Fact: Did you know that two and a half times the state average for accidents is just a polite way of saying 'we're trying to break a record'? Safety first, folks!.
• Headline: Your Own Account; Small-Company Retirement Goals. Impact: The struggles of small businesses could lead to a new wave of innovation in retirement planning, potentially creating a new startup specializing in retirement plans for the perpetually broke.. Fact: Did you know that leaving a big company to start a small one is like jumping from a roller coaster to a merry-go-round? Spoiler alert: the merry-go-round goes nowhere!.
• Headline: MUSIC; Elysian Trio's Concert to Honor College President. Impact: The concert honoring Dr. Magill might just inspire a new trend of academic nostalgia, leading to a wave of 'retirement concerts' for all retiring educators, complete with overpriced tickets and awkward speeches.. Fact: Did you know that being honored in retirement often means being reminded of how old you are? Welcome to the club, Dr. Magill!.
• Headline: Brown Bag Lunch Leads to an Agenda. Impact: The lunch meetings could spark a nationwide movement of women organizing over food, leading to a future where lunch breaks are reserved for world-changing discussions rather than just gossip about who wore what.. Fact: Did you know that many great ideas were born over lunch? This is why I always say, 'Never trust a skinny chef with a revolutionary plan!'.
• Headline: DINING OUT; The Rustic Charms of an Old Gristmill. Impact: The charm of rustic dining could lead to an uprising of hipster restaurants, making 'old gristmill' the new 'it' aesthetic, thus ensuring that no one ever eats at a normal restaurant again.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'rustic charm' is often code for 'we forgot to update the decor since the 1800s'? At least the food is usually better than the ambiance!.