APRIL 11, 1993

Full News Archive

• Headline: Your Retirement Account Can Hold Surprises. Impact: If Ed Emerman hadn’t been surprised by that lien, he might have decided to just let his retirement account sit there, leading to a butterfly effect resulting in millions of people being blissfully ignorant about their finances, which would eventually cause a spike in late-night infomercials for financial advisors. Thanks, Ed!. Fact: Did you know that 'surprise' is actually the most popular retirement plan? Just kidding, it’s probably just Ed's favorite word now..
• Headline: Menendez Makes His Mark in Congress. Impact: Menendez's fast start in Congress set off a domino effect of other politicians trying to speedwalk their way into the spotlight, leading to an Olympic event for political speedwalking. Who knew running for office could be so literal?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing faster than Menendez in Congress is the rate at which constituents forget their promises!.
• Headline: FILM; Time Drags and Rumors Fly When Movies Sit on the Shelf. Impact: The troubles of shelved movies led to a secret society of filmmakers who decided to unleash a series of 'lost films' that revolutionized cinema. Now we have movies like 'Sharknado'—thank you, troubled productions!. Fact: Did you know that some films sit on the shelf for so long that they actually start to develop their own opinions? Talk about shelf life!.
• Headline: Rustic and Posh, the Hunt's the Theme for Antiques Show. Impact: The rustic and posh themes of the antiques show inspired a new trend: hipsters combining farm life with luxury living, resulting in overpriced ‘rustic chic’ decor that smells faintly of hay and desperation.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more overpriced than antiques is the hipster's 'authentic' experience of owning them?.
• Headline: ART; A Show That's Refined and Raucous, Abstract and Surreal. Impact: The juried exhibition at the Stamford Museum turned into a fierce competition that transcended art, leading to paintball battles between artists, ensuring that art critiques became a contact sport.. Fact: Did you know that 'abstract and surreal' are just fancy ways of saying 'I threw paint at a canvas and called it art'?.
• Headline: Viewpoints; The Payoff of a Capital Gains 'Amnesty'. Impact: The tax amnesty idea spawned a series of bizarre tax evasion tactics that included everything from 'donating' to 'creative accounting'—all leading to the eventual rise of accountants as the new rockstars.. Fact: Did you know that accountants now have their own fan clubs? They’re called 'The Number Crunchers,' and their concerts are just them crunching numbers for hours..
• Headline: Projects Loom at Route 347. Impact: The push to revive development projects on Long Island inadvertently led to a real estate boom, causing homes to be built so close together that neighbors began to communicate via text message rather than face-to-face. Why look someone in the eye?. Fact: Did you know that the average Long Island home now has more square footage dedicated to texting than actual living space?.
• Headline: Magnificent Views From an Irish Isle. Impact: Valentia Island's serene beauty turned it into a hotspot for influencers, leading to an invasion of 'travel bloggers' who would take a thousand pictures of cliffs but still manage to miss the real beauty: the local people.. Fact: Did you know that if you take a picture of a stunning Irish cliff and no one is around to see it, it actually becomes more stunning? Just like the selfies influencers take!.