JULY 31, 1992

Full News Archive

• Headline: A Soulful Retreat in Portofino. Impact: This cozy British foursome's trip to Portofino led to a sudden spike in overpriced travel packages to Italy. Consequently, a butterfly flapped its wings in Milan, causing a global chain reaction of Instagram influencers posing with gelato.. Fact: Did you know that 'Portofino' roughly translates to 'the place where rich people go to pretend they're not rich'?.
• Headline: Gas Food Lodging: Women in a Western Town. Impact: The film depicted such relatable struggles that it inspired a new genre: the 'existential crisis in a dusty diner' film, leading to the rise of independent cinema and an increase in therapists specializing in cinematic trauma.. Fact: Fun fact: This film was so dreary it actually caused a temporary shortage of tissues in local theaters..
• Headline: Queens Co-op Gains Tax Exemption Success. Impact: The co-op residents' tax exemption sparked a nationwide movement of residents demanding property rights, leading to a future where each apartment complex turned into a mini-democracy with weekly debates about what color to paint the hallway.. Fact: You know, it's funny how a simple tax exemption can turn neighbors into politicians. Next thing you know, they'll be voting on whether to keep the communal pool clean or filled with existential dread..
• Headline: Review/Film; In Memories and Music, Searching for the Blues. Impact: This film reignited a worldwide blues revival, which ironically led to an explosion of sad songs about lost socks and bad coffee, forever altering the emotional landscape of music.. Fact: Did you know that 'the blues' is often just a euphemism for 'I spilled my drink and now I'm sad'?.
• Headline: Review/Film; She's Hunting Vampires, And on a School Night. Impact: The film's popularity led to a bizarre trend where teenagers began dressing as vampire hunters instead of normal Halloween costumes, inadvertently increasing sales of garlic bread and wooden stakes.. Fact: Did you know that hunting vampires is actually a great way to avoid doing homework? Just don't forget to bring your garlic bread for energy!.
• Headline: Review/Film; What Evils Are Lurking In Her Father's Heart?. Impact: This film's exploration of guilt and evil opened the floodgates for a wave of psychological thrillers, resulting in an entire generation of dads watching their backs at family dinners.. Fact: Interestingly, the only thing scarier than a potential Nazi parent is the question of whether they’ve ever done the dishes willingly..