MAY 22, 1992

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cruise and Kidman in Epic Love Story. Impact: If only the poor Irish lad and landlord's daughter had stayed in Ireland, the Great Potato Famine might have been avoided. Just kidding, but who knows how many more boring epics we could have spared ourselves from.. Fact: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman starred in more films together than most couples stay married. That’s one way to ensure a high divorce rate..
• Headline: Caveman's Prom Adventure in California. Impact: This film likely led to a resurgence of interest in prehistoric dating practices. Imagine the Tinder profiles: 'I hunt mammoths and make fire, swipe right for a good time!'. Fact: Spoiler alert: the caveman's prom date was just a rock. At least she was a solid choice..
• Headline: Exploring Alien 3's Unique Narrative. Impact: The sole woman on a prison planet surely inspired countless women to take on leadership roles, albeit without the threat of alien xenomorphs. Who knew the future of feminism hinged on extraterrestrial carnage?. Fact: Alien 3 is the only film where you could say, 'It’s not the worst, but it’s definitely not the best' and mean it about an entire trilogy..
• Headline: Review/Film; Technique! Allusion! Leitmotif!. Impact: Pro-Nazi terrorists on screen likely sparked a series of poorly conceived college courses on ethics in film. Somewhere, a professor is still trying to justify a thesis on this mess.. Fact: The film was so derivative, it practically had a bibliography. If only they'd footnoted their way to originality!.
• Headline: COMPANY NEWS; Optimism And Caution At Xerox. Impact: Xerox's cautious optimism somehow led to the rise of photocopied memes, forever changing the landscape of office humor. Thank you, corporate caution, for paving the way for cat memes.. Fact: Xerox is the only company that can make a business out of literally duplicating someone else's work. Talk about a career path!.
• Headline: About Real Estate; A Financing Deal for East Side Co-ops. Impact: This financing deal may have inadvertently contributed to the formation of hipster enclaves, where overpriced co-ops became the norm and artisanal avocado toast became a food group.. Fact: Buying a co-op on the Upper East Side is basically a ticket to be perpetually broke in a trendy zip code. Who knew financial ruin could be so chic?.