MARCH 16, 1992

Full News Archive

• Headline: F.B.I.'s Impact on Literary Freedom. Impact: The F.B.I.'s obsession with monitoring writers spiraled into a full-blown paranoia epidemic, leading to every author secretly believing their book about a cat could be deemed a national threat. As a result, the future of literature saw a sudden spike in books about fluffy animals and gardening—because who could surveil that?. Fact: Did you know that at one point, the F.B.I. was more interested in the plot twists of novels than actual crime? Talk about misplaced priorities!.
• Headline: Duke's Redemption in A.C.C. Basketball. Impact: Duke winning the A.C.C. title catalyzed a bizarre chain reaction in college basketball, leading to a reality where every team started wearing blue for good luck, inadvertently creating a fashion trend that left fans confused and colorblind for decades.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more predictable than a Duke basketball win is the inevitable disappointment of every rival fan. It’s almost like clockwork—tick, tock, crying time!.