NOVEMBER 28, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Thanksgiving Memories in California. Impact: The 65-person Thanksgiving party became the catalyst for an annual tradition of inviting random acquaintances, which eventually led to the invention of awkward small talk and the creation of the term 'Friendsgiving'—because who wouldn't want to spend Thanksgiving explaining their life choices to people they barely know?. Fact: Did you know that cutting turkey can actually burn more calories than a month of jogging? Just kidding, but it sure feels that way when you’re sweating in the kitchen!.
• Headline: Sailing Through a Skyful of Thanksgiving Reveries; Centerpieces Are Made for Eating. Impact: The tradition of Thanksgiving centerpieces being deliciously edible sparked a culinary revolution that eventually led to the concept of 'edible arrangements,' which is just a fancy way of saying someone got lazy with floral design. Fact: Did you know that centerpieces are just elaborate excuses to hide the fact that the kitchen was a disaster? Because nothing says 'I cooked' like a centerpiece that looks better than the meal!.
• Headline: BUSINESS PEOPLE; Chairman Resigns At Live Entertainment. Impact: Wayne H. Patterson's resignation triggered a corporate game of musical chairs that reshaped the landscape of entertainment, leading to the eventual rise of reality TV, proving once and for all that America loves chaos more than quality. Fact: Did you know that resigning from a company is basically the adult version of 'I quit!' during a game of tag? Because really, who doesn't want to escape the drama?.
• Headline: Sailing Through a Skyful of Thanksgiving Reveries; 'I Am Not Hurried. I Am Home.'. Impact: Returning home to Lackawanna became a symbol for countless others who romanticized their modest origins, inspiring a generation of hipsters to seek authenticity in the most ironic places, like artisanal coffee shops in gentrified neighborhoods. Fact: Did you know that Steelawanna Avenue is just a fancy way of saying 'The street where you hear your childhood echoed back at you'? It's the nostalgia express, but with fewer snacks.
• Headline: Sailing Through a Skyful of Thanksgiving Reveries; Homes Don't Have To Pretend. Impact: The realization that homes don't have to pretend led to a mass exodus from cookie-cutter apartments to quirky, character-filled abodes, thus spawning the age of the 'fixer-upper'—because who doesn’t love a good renovation disaster?. Fact: Did you know that calling your loft 'home' is like wearing an expensive suit to a barbecue? Sure, you look good, but deep down, you know you might not fit in!.