OCTOBER 6, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Monetizing Your Home Equity Wisely. Impact: The rise of reverse-equity loans led to the invention of a new game show called 'Who Can Stay Home the Longest?'—which, ironically, became a hit in homes with living rooms that turned into game shows.. Fact: Did you know that reverse mortgages are like a home equity loan but with a twist? It's like borrowing money from yourself while simultaneously preparing for a midlife crisis..
• Headline: Orphaned Cats Find Love and Home. Impact: Scarlett the cat winning 'best home' sparked a global trend of cats running for office, leading to the first feline president in 2040, who implemented mandatory nap times nationwide.. Fact: Did you know that cats can make you feel guilty about not adopting them? It's like they have a degree in emotional manipulation..
• Headline: ART REVIEW; General Washington, Meet Colonel North. Impact: The art installations led to a new trend of artists incorporating historical figures into their work, which eventually culminated in a reality TV show where Washington and Colonel North debated the best way to grill burgers.. Fact: Did you know that art can bridge gaps between history and contemporary issues? Or at least it can confuse the heck out of everyone trying to understand it..
• Headline: IN THE NATURAL STATE. Impact: The bird's ability to assess danger in under half a second led to the development of a new security system involving trained birds, which ultimately resulted in a bird uprising when they demanded better working conditions.. Fact: Did you know birds can see a wider spectrum of colors than humans? So, they probably judge our fashion choices harshly while we’re oblivious..
• Headline: WHAT'S DOING IN; London. Impact: The food revolution in London changed the course of culinary history, leading to a time where food critics became the new rock stars, and chefs were chased down the street by adoring fans looking for autographs.. Fact: Did you know that in London, food has become so trendy that even the pigeons are dining on gourmet crumbs? They’ve upgraded from stale bread to artisan baguettes..
• Headline: 'Quint' of 'Jaws' Pulls Up Anchor and Puts Trophies Up for Bids. Impact: Frank Mundus's retirement inspired a wave of eco-friendly shark conservation efforts, ultimately leading to sharks being elected as the new guardians of the ocean—complete with capes and a superhero theme song.. Fact: Did you know that Frank Mundus was the inspiration for Quint in 'Jaws'? So, if you ever wanted to blame a man for your fear of the ocean, you’ve found your culprit..