SEPTEMBER 19, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Faulk's Record-Breaking Debut Performance. Impact: If Marshall Faulk hadn't stepped up, maybe we'd have a world where 'running back' was just a sad term for joggers who gave up. Instead, he inspired countless couch potatoes to believe they could be athletes too. Thanks, Marshall, for the motivation to have our pizza delivered faster. Fact: Did you know that Faulk's record-setting performance led to a surge in running back popularity that even prompted some people to think jogging was a legitimate hobby? Spoiler: it's not.
• Headline: Interpublic and WPP Resume Negotiations. Impact: The endless back-and-forth between Interpublic and WPP has inadvertently created a new reality TV genre: 'Boring Business Meetings: The Series.' Expect dramatic pauses and awkward silences to become the next big thing. Fact: Did you know that advertising executives have a secret handshake that involves a lot of eye-rolling and pretending to be interested in each other's PowerPoints?.
• Headline: Ayer Inc. Restructures Chicago Advertising Office. Impact: By relocating Ayer's Chicago unit to New York, they unknowingly sparked the trend of all businesses thinking they needed to be in NYC to succeed. You know, because who wouldn’t want to pay rent that could fund a small nation?. Fact: Did you know that Chicago-style pizza is now 10 times less likely to be mentioned in meetings since this move? Sorry, Chicago, your deep-dish dreams just moved to the Big Apple.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; Kroger Assigns More Regional Accounts. Impact: Kroger’s decision to fragment their accounts is the corporate equivalent of splitting up with a partner only to realize you have to share the dog. Now everyone’s fighting over which region gets the best advertising. Fact: Did you know that Kroger’s marketing strategy is so complex even their shopping carts have to take a seminar on account management?.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING; The Course That Led To Isuzu. Impact: Andy Berlin’s rise to fame meant more than ads for Isuzu; it led to a cultural phenomenon where everyone suddenly thought they could also become a 'creative genius'—but only if they wore dock shoes. Fact: Did you know that 'Goodby, Berlin & Silverstein' sounds like a law firm specializing in bad decisions? Spoiler: they are.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; People. Impact: When Michael Ciranni became senior VP, it triggered a chain reaction leading to the birth of overqualified interns worldwide who now think they should also be in charge of all creative decisions. Fact: Did you know that the title 'Senior Vice President' translates to 'I sit in meetings and nod a lot' in corporate speak?.
• Headline: Front Yard Keeps Rollin' Along. Impact: Macon Fry's minimalist lifestyle caught on and inadvertently created a new trend in hipster culture: 'living with less'—which ironically led to people owning even more stuff in the pursuit of being 'less.'. Fact: Did you know that the more you try to simplify your life, the more likely you are to subscribe to ten different meal prep kits? Welcome to the modern era!.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; Accounts. Impact: The reassignment of Astra's accounts turned into a corporate game of musical chairs, where no one actually wants to sit down, but everyone desperately needs the office chair with the ergonomic design. Fact: Did you know that in the advertising world, the term 'account' is just a fancy way of saying 'we have no idea what we're doing, but we're really good at pretending'?.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; Ackerley Backs Pact on Debt. Impact: Ackerley's pact on debt not only saved them but also inspired countless corporations to think that 'cutting debt' was a trendy new diet plan—because who doesn’t love a financial detox?. Fact: Did you know that 'debt' is just a fancy term for 'how much you owe when you really wanted to buy that shiny new thing'?.