AUGUST 3, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: California's Tax Dilemma Over Snacks. Impact: If chocolate chips were classified as snacks, it would lead to a massive chocolate chip shortage as Californians hoarded them for their 'snack tax' evasion schemes, leading to an underground chocolate market that would shape the future of American dessert cuisine.. Fact: In California, you can’t just snack on anything without a government license. Who knew chips could have so much political baggage?.
• Headline: Sinister Surgeons and Evil Transformations. Impact: The grafting of a criminal's arm onto a psychologist could lead to a series of psychological studies that redefine criminal behavior, resulting in a future where therapists not only analyze thoughts but also the sinister impulses of their own limbs.. Fact: This film proves that arms can hold grudges—literally. Imagine the therapy bills for that arm's issues!.
• Headline: Capturing Professional Sound at Home. Impact: This breakthrough in live recordings would inspire a generation of wannabe musicians to record in their basements, leading to a cultural phenomenon where every neighborhood had at least one 'professional' band, thus giving birth to the 'Garage Rock Revival'—complete with overpriced vinyl.. Fact: Home recordings are the perfect way to ensure your friends will never ask to hear your music again. Just wait until they hear your cat's meows on the track!.
• Headline: Hoteliers Find Santa Fe Hospitable. Impact: The hospitality boom in Santa Fe would attract a wave of tourists who inadvertently start a 'hipster' movement, causing locals to start charging for artisanal air and organic sunsets, forever changing how people vacation.. Fact: The Inn of the Anasazi is so luxurious that even the ghosts have 5-star reviews. Just don’t ask them about the room service!.