JULY 21, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Classical Guitar Concert at Montclair Museum. Impact: David Burgess's performance inspired a generation of guitarists who thought they could become famous by playing classical music in art museums. Spoiler alert: they didn't.. Fact: Did you know that in the right lighting, a classical guitarist can be more captivating than a reality TV star? It's true!.
• Headline: Health Care Cost Reduction Act Signed. Impact: The Health Care Cost Reduction Act sparked a nationwide trend of lawmakers signing bills that did little to change anything, leading to a decade of legislative lukewarmness.. Fact: Did you know that optimism is just a fancy word for 'we're hoping for the best but expecting the worst'? Sounds like politics to me!.
• Headline: Casino's Impact on Rural Communities. Impact: The arrival of the casino turned Preston into a bustling hub, leading to an influx of tourists who discovered that rural charm and slot machines don't really mix.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'What happens in Preston, stays in Preston' didn't just apply to the casino? It applied to the townsfolk's sanity, too..
• Headline: A German Playground In the Baltic. Impact: Frederick William I's column became a tourist attraction, resulting in people taking selfies that would one day be the bane of future historians trying to capture genuine moments.. Fact: Did you know that Frederick William I was known for his love of potatoes? Somewhere, a French chef just threw up in his mouth..
• Headline: One-Woman Theater Explores Troublesome Themes. Impact: Roberta Nobleman's unique approach to theater inspired a wave of one-person shows, most of which were just people talking to themselves about their feelings in coffee shops.. Fact: Did you know that one-woman shows often have the most riveting plots? That's right, the plot is usually 'Why am I here?'.
• Headline: FORUM; A Premature Corporate Sigh of Relief. Impact: The Supreme Court's shift to the right encouraged corporations to feel empowered, leading to an era of questionable ethics in business that resulted in a few too many 'Oops, our bad!' moments.. Fact: Did you know that 'exultation' is just a fancy way of saying 'we’re really happy we can exploit people now'? Corporate jargon at its finest!.
• Headline: Your Own Account; I.B.M.'s Cadillac of Retirement Plans. Impact: IBM’s early retirement push led to a mass exodus of seasoned professionals, resulting in a workforce that was surprisingly full of fresh ideas and completely devoid of experience.. Fact: Did you know that early retirement plans are just corporate code for 'We need your desk for someone younger'? It's the corporate version of 'You're just too old for this party.'.
• Headline: For Pop Singer, Privacy Over Fame. Impact: Al B. Sure!'s choice to prioritize privacy over fame led to a new trend where celebrities began purchasing homes in secluded areas, ironically making their fame even more pronounced.. Fact: Did you know that living on a 'real nice tree-lined street' is code for 'I’m trying really hard to avoid paparazzi and my screaming fans'?.
• Headline: Traditional Charm of Quilting Appeals to Another Generation. Impact: The quilting exhibit ignited a revival of interest in traditional crafts, ultimately leading to a new generation of hipsters who think they invented patchwork.. Fact: Did you know that quilting is the only art form where you can end up with a warm blanket and a deep-seated existential crisis at the same time?.