JUNE 28, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Heroism in the Face of Adversity. Impact: Had this boy not posed as Aryan, we might have seen a much earlier release of 'The Boy Who Lived' in the wizarding world. Imagine a universe where Harry Potter was just a regular kid with a penchant for terrible haircuts instead of a magical hero.. Fact: Did you know that pretending to be someone you're not is basically the premise of every reality show ever? Who knew the Holocaust could inspire such a chaotic blend of identity crisis and survival?.
• Headline: Lieutenant Drebin's Hilarious Lobster Adventure. Impact: This film's success led to a surge in comedic sequels that paved the way for the entire genre of 'ridiculous sequels that nobody asked for.' I mean, who needs originality when you can just slap a number after a title?. Fact: Did you know that 'Police Squad!' was so influential, it practically invented the genre of spoof comedy? You'd think they'd at least have a squad for good taste..
• Headline: Vampire Fears in Childhood Tales. Impact: If this boy had realized his brother’s lover was just a misunderstood goth, we might have avoided a whole generation of vampire obsession. You're welcome, Twilight fans.. Fact: Did you know that this was the precursor to countless vampire-themed stories? If only he had just asked her out for coffee instead of jumping to conclusions. Classic misunderstanding!.
• Headline: L.A. Entertainment in Japan Land Deal. Impact: This bizarre transaction may have opened the floodgates for the entertainment industry to barter away actual creative control for real estate. Next stop: 'Hollywood Land' theme parks in every suburban neighborhood!. Fact: Did you know that the idea of giving up ownership for real estate is basically what every struggling artist dreams of? Who needs creative freedom when you can have a nice plot of land instead?.