JUNE 24, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Affordable Benefits for Small Businesses. Impact: If small businesses had started offering benefits in the 90s, we might have a world where employees actually want to work, instead of just showing up for the free coffee. This could have led to a global coffee shortage and an uprising of the disgruntled caffeine-dependent workers. Fact: Did you know that small businesses employ nearly half of the private workforce in the U.S.? So, technically, every time you complain about your job, you're complaining about a small company!.
• Headline: Disney's 'The Rocketeer' Casting Decision. Impact: Had Disney cast a lesser-known actor, the star might have ended up being the next big thing. Instead, we got a world where everyone knows who The Rock is, and now he’s busy saving humanity one blockbuster at a time. Fact: Fun fact: The Rock could probably lift a small business off the ground, but he probably won't because he's too busy making terrible yet entertaining movies.
• Headline: Signs of Hope in Troubled Paterson. Impact: Paterson's transformation from a forgotten city to a hipster haven could have happened decades earlier if only someone had thought to put avocado toast on the menu. Now, it’s just a race against time for the next artisanal coffee shop to open. Fact: Did you know that Paterson was once known for its silk industry? Today, it’s known for its potential to become the next Brooklyn—minus the rent prices, of course!.
• Headline: MUSIC; Bridgeton Reprising '1812 Overture'. Impact: If Tchaikovsky had known his music would be a staple at fireworks events, he might have added more explosive notes. The '1812 Overture' could have been the soundtrack to countless neighborhood disputes over who has the loudest fireworks. Fact: Did you know that the '1812 Overture' was actually designed to symbolize Russia's defense against Napoleon? I guess that makes it the original 'fireworks and freedom' anthem!.
• Headline: As Shoreham's Power Fades, State Moves to Be a Supplier. Impact: If the Shoreham power plant had succeeded, we might have seen a future where nuclear energy was the norm. But instead, we’re still trying to figure out if it’s better to let your lights flicker than risk a meltdown. Fact: Did you know that the Shoreham plant was built but never operated? It's like building a sandwich but forgetting to put the filling in—just a big, empty waste of time.
• Headline: They're Out of Power but Not Out of Sight. Impact: The political power shift from lawmakers to lawyers could have led to a dramatic sitcom where former politicians try to navigate their new 'normal'. Think 'The Office' but with more suits and fewer laughs. Fact: Did you know that Arthur J. Kremer’s office probably has more power than the actual power plant? Who knew the real power grid was just a bunch of lawyers!.
• Headline: Nassau Plans Cut In 6 Health Clinics. Impact: Cutting health clinics could have led to a health revolution where people actually start taking care of themselves instead of relying on the government. But then again, we can’t have that—self-responsibility is so last century. Fact: Did you know that the health care system is often compared to a game of Jenga? One wrong move and it all comes crashing down—just like your access to medical services!.