JUNE 16, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Support for Hispanic Students in Norwalk. Impact: Amy Rodriguez's $3,500 scholarship could be the moment that sparks a trend, and soon every high school in America will have a 'scholarship for dreams' fund. Watch out, future students—your dreams will come with a price tag!. Fact: Did you know that working two part-time jobs while in high school counts as a 'full-time adulting course'? Forget algebra; we need to teach 'How to Pay Rent 101'..
• Headline: Explore Connecticut's Summer Heritage. Impact: This exhibition may have inspired a time-traveling historian to create a summer-themed time capsule, causing an uproar in the future. People will argue whether a beach ball or a sun hat represents the essence of summer!. Fact: Did you know that summer pastimes in Connecticut include trying to remember where you put your sunglasses? It's a timeless classic!.
• Headline: England's Elusive Poppyland. Impact: Clement Scott's quest for 'soul food' could have kickstarted an entire subculture of avant-garde culinary tourism, where people travel just to eat mediocre food in hipster cafes. Thanks, Clement!. Fact: Did you know that 'Poppyland' is not just a place but also the name of a failed band that thought they could capitalize on the flower's popularity? Spoiler: they couldn't..
• Headline: Fund Drive to Aid 14 Embattled Catholic Schools in County. Impact: This fund drive could very well be the catalyst for a nationwide movement to fund all schools, leading to an uprising of parents demanding more bake sales. Who knew cookies could be so revolutionary?. Fact: Did you know that 'embattled' is just a fancy way of saying 'we need more money'? It's the new buzzword for fundraising!.
• Headline: Retarded Adults Wait Years for Placement. Impact: Cheryl Ann Holst's story raises awareness about mental health placements, which could lead to a revolution in how society treats individuals with disabilities. Or it could just inspire a really sad documentary. Let's hope for the former.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'wait years for placement' is also used to describe the experience of trying to get a table at a trendy restaurant? Both are equally frustrating!.
• Headline: IN THE NATURAL STATE. Impact: The absence of townspeople by the river might inspire a dystopian novel about a world where everyone forgot how to enjoy nature, leading to the rise of a new genre: 'nature-deficient fiction'.. Fact: Did you know that 'going down to the river' is code for 'avoiding responsibilities'? It's an ancient tradition!.
• Headline: Lesbian Film Makers Shun Typecasting. Impact: Greta Schiller and Andrea Weiss shunning typecasting might lead to a future where actors are cast based on their ability to act rather than their sexual orientation. What a radical concept!. Fact: Did you know that typecasting often involves tossing actors into roles that they have nothing to do with? It's like giving a cat a job as a dog trainer!.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND GUIDE. Impact: The guided tours at Clark Botanical Garden might just be the start of a gardening revolution, leading to a future where everyone thinks they're the next horticulturalist. Spoiler alert: not everyone can keep a cactus alive.. Fact: Did you know that gardening is just another way of saying 'I enjoy digging in the dirt and pretending it’s productive'? It's basically adult sandbox play!.